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Getting Better Sex
Is Your Partner Sexually Pleasing You?

Fascinating isn't it, how we really don't talk much about our sexual desires or practices? Oh, we often speak of trivial aspects but when was the last time you had a completely open and honest conversation about what you or your partner really wants or would like sexually? We often skirt around it hoping they'll discover our inner secret by either stumbling upon it or by some other mysterious method. Sometimes we even think that if they "really loved" us they would simply know or make sure to figure it out.

What keeps you from being totally honest with your partner? Is it a fear of acceptance, rejection, a taboo subject, or maybe something you want seems too kinky? Or is it more akin to your perception of your own desire being repugnant or making your lover feel less adequate by their not fully satisfying your desires? No matter what you may be holding back, it is important to remind ourselves that the desires we don't express, will usually go unsated.

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

with Guest Writer Greg Hall

Copyright: Holistic Wisdom- Do NOT Copy Warning

Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.


Our partner is not here to cater to our every desire by intuition… part of our development as a human being is to learn to express ourselves in a way that honors ourselves as well as our partner. I mean how hard is it to say "Ya know honey… I think it would be so cool if we___ or if you___ that would drive me wild. Oh, and while we are chatting… what naughty ideas do you have for me to pleasure you my lover?"

One of the main challenges between lovers often boils down to ineffective communication resulting in misunderstandings. A major contributor to this is a basic lack of communication and negotiating skills with one's partner. While many cultures negotiate and haggle as part of daily life, we have generally become timid and outright fearful of negotiating and then settle for what is offered. At the other end of the spectrum of holding our desires inward, we may go beyond simply feeling dissatisfied and actually "punish" our partner through passive aggressive or outright aggressive ways to get our needs met.

When we stuff are needs they will come out one way or another whether we do so consciously or unconsciously and often we and are partner are left feeling dissatisfied, frustrated, and if left unaddressed… apathetic. Oddly enough, what we were trying to avoid in the first place (rocking the boat) we often end up doing anyway because of our lack of communication with our partner. At least if we had been honest with ourselves and our partner in the first place we would be able to address the heart of the matter and increase the possibility of true intimacy… which by the way… makes for great sex. So, ask yourself this… if you are not satisfied with your sex life make sure to first check in with yourself as to whether or not you have asked your partner for what you wanted.

Open and honest communication in a healthy and loving relationship is a daily event. The contrary of this leads to dysfunction and a break down of the relationship as well as a general feeling of self worth within ourselves. That is why extra marital affairs are so common as it is an easy escape from dealing with our own failures in a relationship. The problem with that is that they only end up making everything worse… so why not skip the drama and go straight to the good stuff… loving and honoring ourselves through our honest thoughts and feelings. It only adds to our integrity which makes us feel good about ourselves as well as making us more attractive to our partner.

Relationship Maintenance

Imagine if your partner said "Well, I brushed my teeth so now I don't ever have to do that again. Scary thought! Yet, during courtships we say and do many things we simply quit doing after our relationship has stabilized into the long-term. Why? It's like gasoline in a car. If that's what it took initially to get somewhere, why wouldn't you keep filling the tank to keep it going? In addition… don't forget to check the oil and maintain this "vehicle of love." If the best way to travel is first class, then why do so many of our vehicles of love look like beaters held together with bailing wire and bubble gum?

It doesn't take money to have a classic first class love machine. It takes regular maintenance and repair of what you have. Remember, it only takes a little attention and conversation to get things going, but a lot of costly repair when you let communication slide.

Before you wind up in the typical accusatory conversation of "you never", "you don't" or other such offensive stance, take a minute and ask yourself if you're both being honest about what you want. Take the risk of being vulnerable and start talking. Work together on common ground and don't be afraid to try new things. After all, the deepest intimacy is not only powerful, rewarding and encourages growth on many levels… it can also be really fun both in and out of the bedroom… like the kitchen table, the bath, the car…

 

Read more through this article- Asking For Better Sex

 


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