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Keeping Intimacy Going
of the most common topics that people write in asking about
is how to keep things intimate within a long term relationship.
There are of course many issues that can impact a relationship
but the most important tool is communication in and out of the
many people simply don't talk to one another. I know there are
a lot of you out there that feel worried about what your partner
may think of your true thoughts and feelings. I also know how
hard it is to be vulnerable in any relationship whether you
are married or just dating.
Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert
CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS
Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.
if you live in fear, deny who you really are to your partner,
then you are never going to know if they really love you for
all that you are. You are most likely going to have challenges
that arise because of the fact that you are holding back and
you are not going to experience what true intimacy is until
you make the commitment to have it by being honest.
To Say It
the most simple of things is neglected due to distraction,
avoidance or just plain laziness. In order to get the most
of your sex life you have to communicate what you desire and
you can do it in a way that makes your partner feel appreciated.
Starting off the conversation with "I love when you..."
or "I would love to have you..." is a wonderful
way to start such a conversation as it presents a loving invitation
to get started.
Seduces Your Senses?
you feel relaxed, seductive, and romantic? Do you love the
smell of scented candles? Do you feel relaxed and sensual
in bubble baths? Do you enjoy certain musical selections?
Do you love wearing or looking at lingerie? Think about what
it is that you enjoy and take the time to talk with your partner
about it. Ask them to share the same information with you.
Honestly, how can you effectively seduce your partner if you
don't know what makes them feel seductive or put in the effort
to do it? How can your partner seduce you if you have not
taken the time to figure out what you enjoy? Exploring this
through discussions is a very basic thing that you can do
to create atmospheres for one another that will encourage
Here are some
things that can help keep things going smoothly outside the bedroom
to make your relationship go the distance while promoting intimacy
in the bedroom-
agreements before hand about how you want things in your life
to be handled to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.
your arguments carefully. Ask yourself before a fight begins how
important the issue is to you and if it is worth having potential
conflict over.If you do proceed say things in a repectful manner
such as, "There is something that is upsetting me and I want your
help to address it?" By doing this you are taking a team approach
you are upset about something that you think happened, but are
not certain, make sure to ask neutral questions such as, "Can
you tell me what happened?"
your needs with respect. Don't walk in and tell someone to "Stop
playing video games, etc." Rather, invite them to do something
with you by saying, "Hey, I miss you, do you want to...?"
- When you screw
up and need to apologize, do so sincerely and not only acknowledge
what you did wrong but also let them know that you are sorry if you
hurt them as that is not something that you ever want to do.
- Do small, loving
gestures for one another daily. Something as simple as doing the dishes
or rubbing their feet for ten minutes can really make a world of difference
to your lover by simply letting them know through your behavior that
you care about them. Let them know every day how you feel about them
through a small acknowledgment of your feelings and through your behavior.