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Home » Sexual Resources » Sex Articles » Holistic Sex

Sexual Mindfulness
Overcoming Sexual Blocks

There are infinite ways to have fantastic sex that are mindful and spiritual. This article will take you through some basic principals of what inhibits great sex, how to overcome those obstacles, and finally how to have it.

Remember that life is short, we get what we settle for and if you want something better, all you have to do is stop, look at your current situation and make a plan to change it that is realistic and obtainable. Then make steps every day to work toward those goals and you will be happier, more fulfilled and sexually satisfied.

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

Copyright: Holistic Wisdom- Do NOT Copy Warning

Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.

Factors That Contribute To Sexual Blocks

Biological

There are several things that can impact sexual functioning biologically. Hormones are one of the most common, but poor nutrition, illness, medications and aging are examples of such factors.

Emotional

Our emotions are impacted by many factors when it comes to our sexuality. Things such as our religious, cultural and family influences are one of the strongest in impacting our sense of sexuality. In addition, things such as sexual trauma, sexual orientation issues, body image can create a fear of intimacy and other emotions when it comes to our sexual activities.

Relationship

Within relationships there can be a variety of areas that can lead to sexual blocks such as resentment, abuse, anger, power issues and lack of attraction. Chronic conflicts are an indication that there are fundamental differences in the relationship that require work and possible therapy.

Unrealistic Expectations

Sexuality can be quite confusing, especially when superficial focus over education is so widely accepted. Having sex on a deep level requires intimacy which is based on good communication, respect and kindness. Sex in a healthy relationship is simply part of a relationship and not the focus of it. When unrealistic expectations are causing conflicts, it may be helpful to have a therapist help negotiate between the partners to find a place that is more realistic and agreeable to both partners.

Lifestyle & Culture

One of the biggest blocks these days is information overload from living in a society that is moving quite quickly and demanding a lot from us with regard to work and even through social connections online. When we begin experiencing fatigue, overload and even addictive tendencies to checking emails, working and more we can find our libido and levels of relationship intimacy drop.


General Ways to Improve Sex

Improving Communication

Speak to one another about sex. For tips regarding this, see our article How to Ask for Better Sex.

Investing In Your Sex Life

  • Remember that your life is what you make it. If you want a healthy body you have to eat healthy and remain physically active. If you want a great sex life you have to invest in it as well. You can learn new sexual techniques, use new sexual products and nurture your relationship outside the bedroom as well.
  • Understand how to transition after the honeymoon period is over.
Finding Time for Sex
  • If you don’t make sexual intimacy a priority, you will find that you lose interest. Part of this is because it will become more and more difficult to connect and in some cases you may even feel awkward about approaching one another. In addition, lack of sexual stimulation will also make you physically withdraw from sex as well; the old adage of if you don't use it you will lose it is actually true. The good news is that it is never to late to work on getting it back.
  • No matter how busy your life, making time for 30 minutes of sexual intimacy a couple times a week is certainly not a difficult expectation when both partners are willing and healthy.
Revamping Your Life
  • Sometimes our schedules don't make sense when it comes to fair division of labor in the household. Take time to sit down and evaluate what is working well for both of you and what is not. Discuss ways that you can strategically share the responsibilities of your life and how you can make things easier. Make sure that in discussing these matters you are kind, respectful and open minded.
Conditions for Good Sex
  • Turn off electronic devices.
  • Go to bed at the same time and earlier.
  • Have light meals at night with little to no alcohol.
  • Use romantic products to enhance your atmosphere and mood.
Restore Touch & Affection
  • Maintain eye contact.
  • Touch one another gently during conversations.
  • Sit close to one another.
  • Spoon while you speak after love making.
  • Hold hands when on walks as it creates a sense of connection and intimacy.
  • Flirt with one another.
  • Laugh with one another.
Cultivate Positive Feelings
  • Say positive and loving things for no reason.
  • Send one another loving messages.
  • Be playful with one another and use your sense of humor to invoke their laughter.
  • Do a chore for them without being asked.
  • Go for a walk or even go to a playground, swing on the swings and talk with them.
Sexual Preparation
Where to Get Help

Many couples benefit from professional resources to enhance their sex lives and relationships in general.
Here are a few resources where you can get the help you desire-
  • Read relationship, intimacy and sex education books for help.
  • Couples retreats and vacations.
  • Find individual and couple counseling services with a specialization in sex and couple therapies.
    To find a sex therapist in your area through AASECT.org.

 

Tips for Overcoming Sexual Blocks

  • Nurture Yourself
    Make sure that you are giving yourself the things you need from nutrition, physical activity, alone time to replenish your soul through an activity that nurtures you. This can be a hobby such as painting, exercise such as dancing or whatever else you find feeds you spiritually. By giving to yourself you will be more primed and refreshed to give to your partner.

  • Turn Off Your Inner Critic
    We are often too judgmental toward ourselves and it is important to love ourselves as we are while still striving to grow and refine ourselves. Life is a process and you will never be self actualized, rather you are always changing and being okay with who you are in the moment is a great place to start.

  • Find Ways to Communicate
    Holding back your desires and vision for a sex life you can be happy with is only going to keep you from growing as a person. You must communicate the things that are important to you with your lover in a loving and respectful manner in order to achieve your sexual goals.


  • Bring in Sexual Mindfulness
    Break out of your routine and become mindful of every sensation, touch, look, scent and sensation. Tune into your sensory perceptions and take in sex rather than making it a task.

  • Explore Geography
    Sometimes it helps to break out of routines by simply moving to a new location to enjoy sex. Find new places or update your bedroom to create a sense of fresh perspective in your sex life.

 

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