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If you approach it as an opportunity to be the sexual goddess or god in the bedroom where you have total (consensual) control over your partner, with the ability to make them scream out for more until they reach an earth shattering orgasm where they can't stand up for a half an hour due to the sheer mind blowing sexual experience they just had... then I'd say you are going in the best direction for attitude in giving fellatio.
My husband and I always say that desire starts in the mind and honestly I see nothing more important to a good sex life than your attitude and perception toward it. That is why I always suggest communication as it provides a way to talk about what really turns you on. It also gives you the opportunity to work through old belief systems about sex that no longer serve you and end up holding you back sexually. You don't want to make the mistake of thinking that figuring out what the best techniques are will make you the best lover. Remembering that attitude will make up for any lack of technique is probably the best sex advice you'll ever get! To those wanting to give incredible fellatio, let me give you a quick example of what I mean about attitude. Negative Attitude- Imagine your man lying on the bed. You pull his pants down as though you are trying to just get down to business. You open your mouth and take him in going up and down with no variation, no passion and secretly, you just can't wait for this to be done. You demand that he tell you when he is about to cum so you can jerk your mouth away to prevent from taking any of that nasty semen in your mouth. Then when he does orgasm, you let it go all over him and then leave him there because you have things to do. Positive Attitude- Imagine your man lying on the bed. You come in slowly from his ankles smiling at him while keeping eye contact. You teasingly strip the clothes off his entire body looking him over as though you can hardly contain yourself, while licking and rubbing him everywhere you touch him. You slide your body against his, then downward now so your genitals are positioned over his knee while you toy with his inner thigh and pubic area. You run your fingers through his pubic hair and over his balls slowly and you lick the tip of his penis softly while gazing into his eyes showing your desire. Holding him now in your hand you take some warming, flavored lubricant and run it up and down his head and shaft like pouring hot chocolate syrup onto a sundae you are about to devour. Licking his balls lightly and then sucking softly on them you move your hand up and down his now slickened cock and use the other hand to squeeze the base while you grind your genitals against his leg. Then after a variety of tantalizing techniques you eagerly await his orgasm with an open mouth waiting for him to either shoot inside your mouth or if you do not care for the taste take it deep in the back of your throat so you fuck him with your mouth and let his cum slide down the back of your throat with no aftertaste or let it cum into your hands, or even better... let it moisten your lips, face and chest. Are you seeing a difference here? Even if you decide to give a "Quickie" blow job, your attitude will allow you to be the best he's ever had. Men, just like women, want to feel desired, so to make him feel like orally pleasuring him is repulsive to you is certainly a "blow" to his ego. Show him that you desire him no matter what sexual activity you do and you will really make it fantastic.
Why Do Men Love it So Much? Most men love oral sex performed on them for a few reasons. It of course feels really good, especially when it is done well. It makes them feel desired and of course it lets them know that you really appreciate their penis and them. I think too often men are made to feel ridiculous for focusing so much attention on their penis whether it be size or it getting attention. I think what women forget is that we focus on things that could be perceived as being ridiculous too. Think about how much most women obsess about how big their butt looks in a certain dress or if the bra with underwire makes their breasts look good so that we can get that compliment when we walk out to go to a party. Underneath it all we all have the same need... to be appreciated. What must men feel when you barter with them to suck their cock for the dishes to be done? I don't know about you, but it would be a terrible blow to my self esteem to have someone tell me that in order for them to be sexual with me, I would have to do the dishes for the week! No wonder men and women often think of fellatio as something a bit dirty... we tend to make it that way don't we? Cleaning the dishes is dirty and undesirable and yet it gets compared to the equivalent of fellatio? We also often think of it as derogatory to the giver... yet in reality it is an opportunity to take control! I think when we take negative attitudes toward our sex life then the true beauty of love and sex is terribly belittled. Even when a person chooses to be with a variety of partners while dating or through open relationships, we can really enjoy sex on a deeper level when we let ourselves BE with people. Being aware of the beauty of sensuality in our partner(s) and ourselves is what makes any sexual moment an amazing experience. Isn't that true of anything in life? How often do we drive to work not even taking a moment to notice the beautiful sun shining down through the clouds and lighting the world up with it's brilliance. How about how often we shove food down our throats without taking the time to really enjoy each morsel of what we are eating? The same applies to sex... when we are mindful of our partner(s) and our own needs, sensations, and emotions then you will be better able to truly enjoy what life has to offer when it comes to oral sex or any kind of sexual activity! Basic Information On Fellatio ~ You can get STDs (including HIV-AIDS) from giving oral sex. ~ You do not have to swallow or "deep throat" a man to give good oral sex.
What Is Cum (Semen)? A man's semen is about the amount of a teaspoon. Semen is not unhealthy, fattening (the average ejaculation is approximately 15 calories), and it will not get you pregnant. The average ejaculate contains ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, nitrogen, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, protein, enzymes, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc.
Deep Throat Or Not To Deep Throat Often people think that someone highly skilled in the art of fellatio will not only deep throat, but will do it for the entire length of the blow job. Nothing could be further from the truth. Of course if you are comfortable with it then by all means deep throat him during the course of oral sex, but if you are not using other techniques with your tongue, lips, hands and fingers then you are probably giving a rather boring blow job. The pleasure created through deep throating is created by the uvula pressing the frenulum and gulping reactions perfectly massaging the corona. Translation- it is a snug, warm, wet environment... a most pleasureful place for a penis. The average depth of our mouth cavity is 3 - 4 inches and the average penis size is 5 – 6 inches, thus you can see the difficulty in getting a full penis in your mouth and down your throat. This leads us to the breathing issue. If you are deep throating your partner, then you are most likely cutting off your air supply for certain amounts of time. Learning to breathe through your nose or taking breaks by using your hands is a good way to maintain the pleasureful flow of stimulation to his penis.
Gagging
Remedies- Some people have a hard time with controlling their gag reflex when giving head. It happens to even the skilled fellatio giver from time to time, so there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Some people use Chloraseptic Throat Spray or children's teething gel to numb the back of their throat and allow for easier deep throating and swallowing. Although psychologically letting go of the fear of gagging is really the best approach. Think about how sword swallowers get that blade down their throat... it certainly isn't by tensing their throat muscles! However, keep in mind that if you use something to numb your throat, and you do not put a condom on him, then you are getting the numbing agent on him too! Remember, a blow job should not just be up and down motions or about deep throating, it can have many facets to it, including licking, kissing, using your hands, and rubbing that delicious cock all over your face, neck, chest and elsewhere. This provides amazing visual stimulation as well as the pleasure of feeling his hard, pulsating cock all over you!
Communicate- If he thrusts or pushes you down a bit onto him and you find yourself gagging, pull back up and pause to let him know that it is uncomfortable. If he does not clue in on this you can come up and begin using your hand to recuperate or let him know that you were beginning to hit the gag reflex a bit and you want to rest a minute while playing with his cock. He most likely will be happy you do this because the last thing a man wants is for you to throw up on him because you were too worried that he would not understand that his penis is going to hit the back of your throat from time to time and cause a gag reflex. If you really have an issue with gagging, let him cum elsewhere whether in a condom, in your hands, on himself, inside you (vaginally or anally), on your chest or neck as you revel in it. The best thing to do to make your intentions known is to make a comment before or during oral sex to let him know where you want him to cum. You can make this sound really sexy if you say it with passion. For example- "I can't wait to feel you cum in between my breasts, I want to rub it all over me!"
Body Strategies- Having him on his back allows you to better control his thrusting by using your forearms to push him down if he begins to thrust to a point that it is uncomfortable for you. You can also gently tug on his testicles as though you were pulling on the reins while riding a horse to let him know he needs to slow it down. Remember not to do this too hard, as you don't want to cause him pain... just enough to cause him to come back and allow you to avoid gagging.
Hand & Mouth- One of the best ways to give oral sex is to also include your hands. Any porn actress will tell you that the following technique is a must when your mouth is tired, your gag reflex is getting triggered or he is well endowed and deep throating is a challenge. Taking your hand, make a fist around the shaft of your lover's penis with your little finger resting on his pubic bone. Then at the same time take your mouth and go up and down the head and upper shaft of his penis while you go up and down with your hand at the same time. This gives the same sensation of you "deep throating" him (taking him deep into your throat). Adding different combinations with both hands, or your mouth make for creativity and fun!
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