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Home » Sexual Resources » Sex Articles » Relationships

In The Mood
Getting Your Lover Aroused And Eager For Sex

If your partner has not been 'in the mood' lately and you are looking for some tips to help get them there, then below are some ideas to help you get started.

Have Fun Together

One of the best things about sex is that it can be really fun. Try doing things that encourage smiling and laughing before sex. A sense of humor and the willingness to try something different can really help set the mood. Having a pillow fight, a wrestling or tickling match or even watching something funny together to help lighten the mood can be a great place to start.

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

Copyright: Holistic Wisdom- Do NOT Copy Warning

Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.


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Avoid Self Centered Approaches

A partner who approaches their lover with the sense that they are entitled or focused on their needs too often is not going to be getting the kind of great sex that a more loving and giving partner is going to get.

Letting your lover know how much you want them through genuine flattery is a great way to open up to the possibility of sex. "‘I find you so attractive when I feel your body next to me, the warmth of your body and softness of your skin makes me feel so close to you." If you want some great examples rent the movie Don Juan DeMarco.

Romantic Touches

Providing an atmosphere of appreciation for your lover is a great way to get them in the mood. After a hard day of work there is nothing nicer than having a sitter for the kids, a hot bubble bath with a glass of their favorite beverage waiting. How about little love notes throughout the house, or even a massage in a candle lit room? It can be as simple as that old standby, the candlelit dinner at home. No one else around, the answering machine on, the TV off, a tasty meal, some wine, soft music in the background, and most of all, a couple really focused on each other. Using creativity and playfulness is one of the best ways to get someone into a place that is relaxed, feeling appreciated and ready to share a wonderful sexual experience.


Don't Forget Their WHOLE Body Needs Love

Often there is a sense of sex equaling genital contact right away. Start with the simple idea that pleasure is the goal. Playing with their hair by simply twisting and softly pulling back on it, to massaging their feet are great examples to provide your lover with the introduction to the physical pleasure you wish to share with them.

It is part of why the Fifty Shades books are so popular as they explore teasing, patience and really making time for sensual play not just intercourse. There is a seduction process even to the sexual acts and it is something that we often deny ourselves thinking that it is not that important, when it really is the small things that make the whole thing amazing.

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They Are NOT An Object, They ARE A Person

Terminology today really makes a statement to the continuation of objectifying people when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, while this used to mainly be directed more toward women, it is now being directed toward men quite often as well.

Gettin' some
Don't separate who that vagina or penis belongs to? How about getting to share a sexual experience with your beautiful woman or man?

Gettin' Busy With It
I think that many women and men will agree with me when I say that we do not like to be referred as an "it" under any circumstance.

A Piece
We are more than an ass or any other body part! Again, why is it that we separate our body parts when it comes to sex? Are we so afraid of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual vulnerability that it provides?

Whether you are referring to a man or a woman, take note about how you describe your sexual experiences. If you catch yourself separating the intimacy you share with your partner(s) then perhaps you are showing your partner(s) that they are not respected by you. This will ultimately lead to emotional complications in any long term relationship as well as to your overall sense of self esteem and end up potentially costing you sex among other things.

Whether you are into one night stands, or have a long term relationship, understanding that when you are sharing time with another person you are sharing more than your physical self. As much as some would like to think that we can compartmentalize ourselves and that sex means nothing they are truly fooling themselves.

Sex never means nothing. It may not mean that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, or that you are even in love with this person when you do it, but it does mean that you are attracted to them, that you value them enough to spend time with them and that you feel the sexual experience with them is worth having. It does mean that you are willing to risk pregnancy, STDs and other sexual realities. It also means that you are intimate with them on more than just a physical level you are sharing part of your emotional self as well... even if it is the guarded side of yourself.

Who we are physically is intertwined with all of who we are mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We are not just physical beings, we are not just emotional, etc. we are complex beings and even through we may not choose to have in-depth conversations with someone does not mean we are not sharing who we are.

Sometimes just a look, or touch from someone can mean so much to us, so why do we try and pretend that we can somehow make it meaningless when we do not want to be vulnerable? Whether we like it or not everything we do affects who we are. Our behavior creates the person that we choose to be. When we say that sex is meaningless then I truly believe that deep down it is because we are truly afraid of what our behavior says about us, and what that experience could really mean to us.

Treating people with respect, appreciation and integrity should not only be essential for sex, but in any situation.

Make Dates

With so much going on in our hectic schedules it is easy to let weeks pass without having any quality time together. Arranging a special time together is a key way to keep your partner open to you and to sexual play.

Learn More About Sex Techniques

If you rush to intercourse so you can have an orgasm, you will almost certainly be missing out on the full potential of sex and be a turn off for your partner. Instead, take time to let them enjoy the sensuous feeling of your touch, gradually arousing their desire.

Don’t be afraid to try something new in bed. Many women and men are bored having sex the same way every time. Don't feel foolish or uncomfortable about complimenting a your partner as it is a wonderful way to let them know what you appreciate in them.

Below are some ways to get you started-


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