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Having
A Strong
Marriage
What
Can Help You Go The Distance
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Monitor
Yourself
When
we are tired, stressed, hurt or angry all of us are capable
of saying hurtful things to another person. When we do they
are often things we really wish we had not said. Couples
who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing sensitive
topics are consistently the happiest.
|
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
HolisticWisdom.com Founder |
Soften your
approach and remember that the more careless you are in your comments
the more conflict there can be. Critical or contemptuous remarks
in a confrontational tone will never get you what you ultimately
want.
Accept
Compromise
The key is
for BOTH partners to offer solutions to meet their spouse's needs.
If one partner compromises much more often, you will find trouble
down the road. There needs to be a common respect from each partner
and a willingness to bend when needed.
Have
High Standards
The most successful
couples are
those who refuse to exhibit or accept hurtful behavior from one
another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in
the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down
the road.
Learn
to Successfully Heal & End An Argument
Successful
couples know how to exit an argument and how to repair the situation
before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful
repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely
unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark
("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're
on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (offering
signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings
along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for....").
If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree
to approach the topic again when you are both calm.
Focus
On The Positive
In a happy
marriage, couples make at least five times as many positive statements
to and about each other and their relationship ("We laugh a lot")
as opposed negative ones ("We never have fun"). A good marriage
must have a rich climate of positive feelings, statements and
beliefs.
Seek
Help When Needed
The average
couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems
(and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the
first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness
for far too long.
Therapy
Resources
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The
Holistic Wisdom Corporation