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The Top Ten Sex Mistakes
Ways To Avoid Them

What constitutes great sex is a subjective. What can be great for one couple may not work for another. It is important to understand that great sex is all about the experience and how you feel about it rather than what technique or sex toy you are using.

Avoiding some of the more common sexual pitfalls is a great place to start. Here are some to keep in mind as you journey toward having the best sex for you.

Lisa Lawless- Founder of Holistic Wisdom

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

Focusing On Norms & Statistics

To have great sex you must focus on you and your partner. Explore what your sexual desires are with one another verbally and discuss ways to achieve your fantasies with one another. While it is okay to reference magazines and books for tips and suggestions, it is much more effective to tap into what makes you and your partner happy.

Too often people focus entirely too much on the sex life of others, gaging what is normal based on statistics. Just like our finger prints are unique, so is our sexuality. Figuring out what brings out the magic in sex for you is the best place to start.

Neglecting You Mind & Body

Taking time to invest in your health is important, and while most people know that taking care of their body through proper nutrition, exercise and rest is essential to great sex, many forget the impact that their mind also has on their sex life.

Desire begins in the mind, and the body follows, therefore taking time to explore sexual issues and fantasies can be just as important as taking care of your body. In addition, stress, boredom and depression from life in general can also cause loss of libido and in turn affect the way the body responds.

The best way to have a great sex life is to nurture yourself through things that you know will provide overall health. Mental and emotional health can be improved through stress relievers such as comedies, meditation, communication, therapy and even journeling. Allowing for creativity in your life is a great place to start as that creativity will soon spread to the bedroom.

Only Listening To Sex Experts

Giving your power away to others that tell you what is right for you in any aspect of your life will never give you the happiness you are looking for. There is nothing wrong with seeking advice but ultimately the best results come when there is a collaborative effort. When you see your thoughts and feelings about something to be the ultimate input in making your choices. Sex experts can offer wonderful council and ideas that you may never have thought of before, but the best way to have the perfect sex life is to do what makes you happy.

Neglecting Your Sex Life

Putting sexuality on the back burner in your life can easily make for boring, dissatisfying sex. Your body and mind never stop changing and growing and your sexuality will evolve as well if you allow it. Give yourself the freedom to explore new ideas when it comes to sexuality from flirtation with your partner to trying fun bedroom gear. Dedicate the time and effort into your sex life that it deserves. After all, you would not expect your car to run well if you did not give it some maintenance once in a while and the same applies to your sex life.

Taking Sex Too Seriously

As kids, we are often taught that sex between grown ups is supposed to be serious business. However, taking sex too seriously can make for a boring, routine sex life. One of the best parts about having sex as an adult is being able to feel like a kid again with all the magic, creativity and fun that comes with it. Be playful, open yourself to laughter in the bedroom.

Avoid Medical Exams

Ignoring sexual symptoms can sometimes mean that you are ignoring a serious health problem. Often times low libido and sexual dysfunction can be indicators of diabetes and even cancer. Make sure you pay attention to your sexual responses and mention them when you get a physical exam from your physician. You could be saving your life.

Thinking That Adult Entertainment Is Educational

Adult films and magazines are primarily focused on entertainment and getting you excited. However, this is not the best source to become educated about sex. With ridiculous scams of penis enlargement to telling you that women will orgasm just from you touching their hand... there are many myths and stories that are simply not true. Make sure that you find reputable resources for sex education and be cautious when discerning what is true and what is hype.

Being Closed Minded

A variety of things can influence us in being close minded about sex. Primarily it seems to be shame and fear based influences that make it difficult for many people to explore what really makes them happy sexually. Regardless of your political or spiritual beliefs there is always room to be creative when it comes to sexuality.

Ignoring Sexual Issues

Sex is a natural part of our lives, however, it can easily be impacted by emotional and mental obstacles. As a result, we can feel inhibited, withdraw, try controlling others or let ourselves be manipulated, and the list of sexual struggles can go on and on. Coming to terms with what may be holding you back from reaching your sexual potential may not just help you have a better sex life, but also allow you to live a more full and rich life in general. Take time to explore these things with a partner, a trusted friend or even a therapist. Focus on those things that may be inhibiting you from a better connection with yourself and your partner in and out of the bedroom.

Great Sex Is Only For Sexy People

Great sex is everywhere, if only a few special people were having it, there would not be so many kids running around. Realize that great sex has everything to do with your connection to yourself and your partner. Great chemistry comes from a variety of factors and appearances are most often deceiving. That average looking couple down the street could be hanging off the chandelier and screaming in ecstasy in the moonlight because they have found the magic of sexual confidence mixed with creativity. Make your sex life amazing by letting go of belief systems and inhibitions that don't serve you and allow for the fun to begin.

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My name is Jay. I was raised on a ranch in Montana and began to learn about life late in my life - at the University. It was there that I lost my virginity at a frat party with a coed who was totally bombed and taking all comers. It was there that I met my wife who had been involved with a goodly number of guys around the campus and had a reputation as a party girl. Of course, I had been immediately smitten by her confidence and wild ways. We had fucked on our first date and it had been good. Then, we had another date and the sex was even better and by the third date we had begun to bond together. We became constant companions and found our lives entirely with each other.

Then, we had graduated and married to start our lives together and we both started our challenging professional careers. Six months later it had become apparent that the marriage was in trouble. We had developed separate lives outside of marriage and my wife had started drinking and partying nearly every night.

It was when I caught her fucking some guy in our bed during the middle of the work day that I knew for sure; the divorce was uncontested. Wanting to get away from the place where my life had been so messed up, I took a job as a traveling consultant for an agricultural machinery company at a substantial raise in pay and expense account.

The work was interesting and demanding as I moved about the country, spending a week here, a month there, etc. It was a time away from social demands and without friends or companions - just what I wanted after my divorce.

The feelings were hard to explain when I pulled into Dallas, Texas for what appeared to be a two or three week assignment. I checked into a cheap motel and inquired about the best place for dinner. I was told that the place next door was fine for breakfast, I'd best go a mile down the road to a diner where dinners, as they were excellent. An hour later, I walked into the diner and up to the counter. As I glanced about, I realized it was past the usual dinner hour and there were only a few patrons left.

I seated myself on the stool and reached for the menu as I noted the waitress. Nothing remarkable about her; perhaps 5'-8" tall, long black hair in a bun, creamy complexion and a lean body. She worked efficiently and provided excellent service as she exchanged light conversation with the customers. I had seen perhaps a hundred like her in my travels. When my dinner arrived, the last of the other patrons had left and the waitress had moved to the kitchen area, leaving me to eat alone.

As I ate, I became aware of heated words from the kitchen area. My waitress was extremely irate as she screamed, "You bastard!" and followed up with something which was only partly intelligible to my ears - the man she was addressing had been fucking someone in the back room and my waitress was angry about it. I was mildly amused by the events before me. Then, as I finished my dinner, no one came to bring the check and I waited.

Five minutes or so later, the waitress came back to the counter with my check and I laid down a twenty. "Keep the change," I said and she picked up the twenty and put it in her pocket as she said simply, "Have you got a car? Let's get out of here!" Suddenly, it occurred to me that I might get lucky.

As we drove away in my pickup truck, I said, "Where to?" and she gave me directions to her house with the admonition, "I want to pick up some things before we go to your place!" It was becoming increasingly obvious that I was going to get lucky. An hour later, we were at my motel room and I realized that I didn't even know this woman's name. "Mona," she said when I asked and even with those few words it was obvious that she was extremely distraught.

Then, as she surveyed the room, it had two double beds as did all the rooms in that motel, she remarked, "Were you expecting company?" Then, she began to talk. It was her husband, the co-owner of the diner that she had caught in the act of fucking their ugly old dishwasher. It hadn't been the first time he had strayed - she knew him well - the bastard!

She spoke rapidly now, reiterating the finer points of what had happened and how she'd had enough. Tears came as she stated firmly that the marriage was over and she was in a great deal of pain. I moved to comfort her but she refused my touch, preferring to remain aloof as she continued to spill her guts. She had left home at sixteen to avoid the advances of an amorous stepfather in Louisiana and worked her way across Texas as a waitress until she'd met her husband who had offered her half the business if she'd marry him.

I listened as I kept my distance and saw my luck fading. Since I was never much on seducing women, my talents were at best minimal. I sought some opening that might get us together and closer to my goal of bedding Mona but she steadfastly maintained her distance. It was after midnight when my hopes for the evening had faded and I suggested that we might get some sleep. I suggested she could have the second bed. Mona arose from her seat on the second bed and came to me. "No," she said, "I want to fuck you tonight. I want to get even with that bastard!

Suddenly it seemed I'd gotten very lucky! Seating herself next to me on my bed, she turned and kissed me on the lips. I responded and felt the passion that was driving her. Then, our lips parted and our tongues met as I felt the buttons on my shirt being opened. Again, I responded by unbuttoning her white cotton blouse and together we shed those outer garments. It was my first time in over seven months to be with a woman and I was eager. Then, as she reached behind her and loosened her bra, I pushed her on to her back and put the flimsy undergarment to the floor.

The sight of her bared breasts brought a dry taste to my mouth and a thrill at seeing them for the first time - not large, perhaps a B-cup, but perfectly formed and beautiful! I was getting extremely lucky. Then, as I moved over her to kiss and fondle her, Mona stopped me and said, "I'm dirty from working in the restaurant all day. Can we use your shower?" The word 'we' had caught my attention and I led her to the stall shower, shedding clothes as we went. As we stood under the warm sting of the jets of water, Mona loosened her long, black hair and it cascaded nearly to her waist. As we washed and played with each other, I sensed Mona begin to relax and her anger subside. She even began to laugh and smile as we washed each other's bodies. We kissed a few times, light kisses really, just for friendly affection and I even suckled her breasts a couple of times.

Then, as I pressed her against the wall of the shower in an attempt to escalate the action, Mona turned tense and cold and moved to leave the shower as an invisible barrier had returned between us. We dried off and returned to the bed where I saw her trembling and visibly shaken. "That miserable bastard!" she said, "I married him!" Then, she began to berate men.

Again, it appeared my luck had faded. Seeing her obvious distress, I suggested, "Perhaps you'd rather sleep in the other bed." Mona looked at me and said with resolve, "I want to get fucked. Tonight! I want to get even with that no good slime of a husband!" With that she slipped nude under the covers of my bed. Well, it wasn't going to be like a love match but what the hell. I was going to get laid.

I wasted no time following her under the covers. We moved together rather quickly and I felt her body, tense and trembling. I drew her close and this time, anticipating that I was about to fuck her, Mona did not resist. Our bodies were soon in a close lovers embrace as I reveled in my good fortune. All did not seem to bode well for us as she continued to tremble. She was in pain and no mood for what I was anticipating. I kissed her lightly on the lips and fondled her arms and bared flesh with my free hands in an effort to calm her.

There was no response as I tried my best to relieve her suffering and it no longer seemed to matter whether I got lucky as this other human being needed comfort. The erotic aspects of our evening were gone. As we lay together, she suddenly became very quiet and her body lay relaxed. . she was asleep

I gently removed myself from our embrace and moved to the other bed, frustrated and sporting a woody that seemed to demand action. I slept little. What little I did sleep was troubled by dreams - weird dreams. Then, morning came early as I felt myself shaken awake and saw Mona looking down at me with a question. "What's with you man? Why didn't you do me last night? Are you just not interested?" she asked and I explained that I was indeed interested and that I had every intention of getting lucky last night but I was not about to take advantage of a woman who was racked with pain and hurt and whose mind was in a turmoil. I had no intention of hurting her.

These words seem to cause Mona to stop and think before she spoke again and this time she said that she guessed she should be thankful for that. On the other hand, she wanted to feel like a woman again - to be roundly fucked by a man that really wanted her. Her husband had ignored her and found something she apparently lacked in even as ugly old women who could hardly speak the language. When I assured her that it was her husband that was lacking good sense and that any real man would give his place in hell to be with her she smiled and said, "Even you?" As I responded, "Most especially me?" she slipped under the covers and up against me.

This time it was a confident, soft, smooth delectable woman who oozed sex from her very pores and I was immediately aroused. We moved together and kissed - softly at first; then, more urgently as our tongues met and made love. Then, as I pressed her down on to her back, I moved half over her to adore her face with my lips and tongue. I'd forgotten the pleasure that comes from adoring a woman. I'd forgotten the response and the passion generated as I kissed and laved her neck and forehead and eyebrows. I reveled in the smell of a woman and the shampoo in her hair. Her quick response when I blew my hot breathe into her ear brought me further joy.

Then lying there in the pale moonlight, I saw her eyes bright and clear against the bluish background of her pale complexion as a wave of lust passed over me. I was an extremely lucky man. Soon, my hands had found her breasts and gently caressed them as my mouth moved from her neck to her breasts. Mona was hot, getting more excited by the minute. I wondered what might be going on in her mind as she pushed towards sexual intercourse; yet there was so much more of her to know and explore that it was but a fleeting thought.

Then after only a few seconds of laving her breasts, she cried out, "Jay, Fuck me! I need it now! Ordinarily, I might have resisted but it'd been eight months and my cock fairly cried out for action. I moved. Suddenly, I was on my back and Mona was over me preparing to impale herself on my rod. A look into her eyes was sufficient to tell me she was wild and ready. I lay inert as she lowered herself on to my woody which transmitted those sensations of a smooth, warm, moist, well lubricated mating. Actually, the joining was better than I had ever remembered!

As she rode me violently and passionately, cowgirl style, I lay conserving my energy and denying my arousal as much as possible to prolong our enjoyment. For Mona it was different as she expended her maximum effort and drove herself towards some distant peak. With each of her rapid impalements, the peak seemed to be closer yet it eluded her. Then, completely fatigued, with a small cry of defeat, she collapsed on to my stomach. Now it was my turn. It was up to me to roll her over, take her from on top and bring her to that peak she so desired.

It was my turn to show enthusiasm and put forth the maximum effort to achieve that goal. I drove into her with a fury that I didn't realize that I'd possessed and found new limits of my passions. Yet, even as I put forth my maximum effort is was to excite Mona's pleasure and mine seemed only secondary. With all the various sensations and emotions that were constantly assaulting my conscious thought, this remained preeminent. Minutes passed, could be seconds or it could be hours, time was of no consequence as Mona and I became familiar with our coitus. It was still dark though when I felt it. The surge building in my balls was waiting to be discharged and nothing on earth could change that.

I cried a warning to Mona but she was oblivious as she shuddered to her own momentous conclusion. Then, in the warm, intimate afterglow, we talked. Mona said that she'd needed that. She needed to feel like a woman and to attract a man with her wiles. She had been too long neglected and then started to apologize for using me. I smiled as I said, "Would you believe I was using you?"

It was breaking daylight when we arose and showered again before dressing and going to the coffee shop next door for breakfast. After breakfast, I suggested that Mona was welcome to stay in the room as long as I was registered there. I would go to work and return about 5:30 hours after which we might go to dinner but not at the diner. I thought of Mona often as I worked through the day. At 5:50, I returned to the room and found two large suitcases and a duffel bag in the room as Mona explained that she had gone to her now former home and removed her personal belongings which were now lodged in the motel closet. I looked at her and she seemed especially radiant in her white blouse and conservative pink shorts with her black hair cascading down her back. - perfect for the hot summer climate.

It was obvious that she had prepared herself just for me. . . After a quick, "I want you!" and her smiling retort, "Well, you can't have me till you feed me!" we drove to an outdoor restaurant in a nearby town and enjoyed Texas BBQ as we made eyes and flirted with each other. Then, it was back to the motel and a quick shower before we went to bed.

Once I bed, we behaved as experienced lovers and enjoyed each other to the fullest. We moved slowly and effortlessly through our list of sensual turn-ons as we made light conversation. I spent time adoring her and telling her how beautiful she was as my mouth and hands moved over her luscious body. In telling her these things, I did not lie or stretch the truth as she was truly beautiful. Her green eyes seemed to dance as she responded. In the evening twilight, as the last rays of the sun reflected off the luster in her hair her I reached to touch it and feel the soft, silky texture. Then, having touched it, I brought a hand full of the long strands where I could smell the fresh scent. My luck just seemed to get better all the time.

So it began and it's fair to say that the sex that night was the best I'd ever known. Mona was sensitive and considerate of my needs and desires and seemed to know just how to please me. I hoped I was the same for her. We slept locked in a lover's embrace. The next few days were bliss as I went to work each day and returned to her each evening. It was obvious that she had been about the city during those days but she never mentioned her daytime activity and I didn't ask. In less than two weeks I'd be leaving for a new assignment and I didn't want to think about it.

It's been eight years since that fateful time and Mona and I have been together for the whole time. There've been some tough times and some great times but I've never once regretted asking her to go with me to my next assignment that first time. She had simply thrown her belongings in the truck and climbed into the seat beside me where she rode for the next three years before I was promoted to a position in an office.

Usually, during those first years, when we get to a new assignment, she went the first day to a temporary employment agency and found day labor work as she insisted that she pay her own way. Then, in our permanent location, she found work as a waitress and was earning good money with wages and tips. We bought a nice house with a big yard and I reiterated my request that she marry me for perhaps the hundredth time.

Though steadfast and loyal to me, she would not answer; rather, changed the subject or moved apart. Of course, our sex life remained as wonderful as ever. Yesterday, as I asked my question once again she responded differently. She said simply, "I guess we ought to if we're going to give our child a name."

The implication was obvious and I was momentarily stunned. "You mean I'm gonna' be a father?" I blurted out and she laughed as she replied, "Yep! Just ain't no other possibility" The sex last night was superb as usual.

This section is for sexual current events and news; allowing our web site visitors to hear sex news around the world.

The latest Bond Girl may be seen in a new sex tape. An ex-boyfriend of Olga Kurylenko, who stars in the new Quantum of Solace, is reportedly auctioning an explicit home movie of the starlet �romping naked and uncensored on board a luxury yacht,� Radar Online reports.

Couples in their 30s and 40s are more likely to have unprotected sex with a new partner than teenagers are, according to new research. A study published in the International Journal of Epidemiology shows that �nearly 70 percent of people ages 16 to 19 used a condom with a new partner, compared to 38 percent of men and 29 percent of women between the ages of 35 and 44,� the Telegraph reports.

Sacha Baron Cohen has enlisted two gay porn stars for his next film. The actor, who plays a flamboyant Austrian fashion journalist in Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Male, hired triple-X stars Paul Barba (usually billed as �Tony Capucci�) and John Martel (known to fans as �Tyler Saint�) for a scenario requiring full-frontal nudity, the New York Daily News reports.

A member of the U.S. Secret Service was arrested after soliciting an undercover cop dressed as a prostitute. The agent "banter[ed] about prices and services" before the two settled on $20 for oral sex, the Washington Post reports. The Secret Service has placed the agent on administrative leave.

Porn director Cezar Capone has offered Sarah Palin $2 million to star in a porn called SuperMILF. According to AVN.com, Capone wrote Palin, �We have taken into consideration that there may be some hesitation to star in an adult production with male talent other than your husband so we are also prepared to kick in an extra $100,000 for your husband Todd to star in the movie with you, along with a brand new Arctic Cat snowmobile for him to sweeten the deal.�

A man in Wales who dumped a blow-up doll and sex toys at the side of the road was tracked down by officials and slapped with a fine. A local environmental officer told the BBC that he hoped the �75 penalty, which the man agreed to pay, �would act as a deterrent to others.�

Overweight women have more sex. Researchers at the University of Hawaii studied 7,000 women and found that 92 percent of heavy women had slept with a man compared to 87 percent of �normal�-sized women. The study�s findings contradict previous results suggesting that large women had lower libidos and that thin ones are more sexually active. �These results were unexpected and we don�t really know why this is the case,� one researcher told the U.K.�s Telegraph.

Illegal herbal products for male sexual enhancement have killed 10 men so far in Singapore. �They had taken pills containing overly high levels of a diabetes drug, which lowered their blood sugar levels and caused symptoms such as dizziness, drowsiness and weakness,� the Straits Times reports.

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