Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D. CEO
I
was joking with a business associate this week that I should
probably sport a scarlet letter for being a sexual health educator.
It seems that is how many overly conservative companies and
individuals are responding to a company that sells sex toys
or teaches sexuality by actually showing pictures and video
of what they are teaching. Oh my!
I
guess we should start requiring that infants dress before being
born if our bodies are that shameful. Perhaps we should also
ask that they start being conceived by immaculate conception
rather than having any kind of sexual intercourse take place!
You
think I am joking? Okay, I admit my sarcasm, but think about
this...
The
following are companies that won't do business with us or any
sites that allow mature content regardless of
whether it is for sexual education or entertainment-
~
Kinkos
~
PayPal
~
Many
web hosting companies- e.g. Hosting.com.
~
Many
major online shopping cart companies- e.g. Linkpoint.com.
~
Yahoo.com Auctions
.
. . And many more!
Meanwhile,
major networks air the like of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake,
etc. running around stripping and making sex as "in your
face as possible," but God forbid someone try and educate
you about it! Because
if you try to go to a web site like ours to learn how
to enjoy a good sex life... well that is downright wrong to
many ultra conservatives and they are making it more and more
difficult for companies like ours to survive!
We
also have the same companies that ban mature content allowing
people to buy weapons and airing major violence. As I have questioned
many times before- Why is our Western culture allowing violence
to be perfectly acceptable when it comes to airing it on our
major networks. Also, it seems that they are much more willing
to air violence when it isn't our own country that is suffering.
Remember
911 and the respect that the networks showed when they made
the decision not to show the bodies of the victims? I thought
that showed integrity. Yet, if someone bombs a building in another
country... well, I guess because those people are not Americans,
it is perfectly acceptable to not only show their dead body
but their mother or wife screaming and crying as the kneel over
it.
However
please, whatever you do don't show Janet Jackson's nipple, because
the human body is something we should all be repulsed by...
especially a woman's. Men's nipples are fine, women's... well
those just exude too much sexuality so make sure we cover those
up pronto!
Good
grief! Can anyone explain to me why a woman's nipple is immoral?
Oh, perhaps on National Geographic where the natives of other
countries are nude that's okay. Standing on U.S. soil I guess
makes your breasts indecent.
PayPal
Many
adult sites are asking their subscribers to boycott PayPal and
send in complaints because as of June 12, 2003 PayPal instituted
policies dictating that consensual adults can no longer purchase
"adult" or "sexually oriented" material using their services.
When
This PayPal Policy Was Enacted On June 12th, 2003-
You
could purchase 4,427 gun related items, and 9,869 knives; while
40 people are dying from gunshot wounds in America every day
and the knife is the most likely weapon used in domestic violence.
Impact
On You
Regarding Sexual Health Restrictions-
You probably
wonder how any of this impacts you. Well, if you want to order
a sexual education book from our site or any sexual health site
you won't be able to pay for it using PayPal. You also will
have to view websites like ours from an adult friendly web host
that costs more making your overall prices on adult items higher.
Oh, and
that is not to mention that video makers charge companies like
ours twice what we would have to pay for non-adult content to
have our videos produced. That means we can't lower our prices
too much or we won't be able to support our own families!
Or how about
all the lawyers fees we have to pay just to make sure we are
keeping within the law, or the fact that many states make their
laws so vague that they can come after us when ever they feel
like it because they feel our site is obscene and then shut
down our business, possibly putting us in jail and fining us
impossible amounts of money. Thus, leaving you to figure out
sex by yourself and resort to cucumbers for your sex toys.
I mean try
and figure out what obscene means in all 50 states not to mention
the world while you are at it... because many consider a mere
picture of a dildo obscene right here in the USA! Do you think
anyone could be an effective sexual educator and not be able
to show examples of what they are talking about? Or how about
your right to buy a vibrator and be educated on how to use it?
With all
this stress and controversy you may wonder why anyone in their
right mind would do something like run a company like ours.
Speaking as the founder and C.E.O. as well as the person who
will take the brunt of all of the risks we take doing it...
I will simply quote some of my greatest heroes-
It
is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human
history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or
acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice,
he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other
from a million different centers of energy and daring those
ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls
of oppression and injustice.
Robert
F. Kennedy
American Attorney General, Senator
"You
must be the change you wish to see in the world."
Mahatma
Gandhi
"The
ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments
of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of
challenge and controversy."
Martin
Luther King Jr. Strength to Love, 1963
Joanne
Webb Update-
New Gag Order! Under
Attack Selling Sex Toys & Talking About Sex... Illegal?
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
If
you haven't been following our story,
Joanne Webb, a former fifth-grade teacher, is a Burleson, TX,
suburban mother and part-time saleswoman for a company called
Passion Parties, Inc. She is also in the middle of one of the
most ridiculous criminal cases. Joanne provides adult novelties
that are sold at Tupperware-type house parties. These parties
are educational and great for people who feel more comfortable
buying marital aids in a private home than at an adult bookstore.
Acting
on a tip in November 2003, two undercover officers got a warrant
for her arrest
on charges that she had sold obscene devices,
a violation of state law.
Update
2-14-04-
Judge
issues another temporary gag order
in sex toys arrest case February 10th, 2004
Court
records show that the prosecutors in Joanne's case have agreed
to provide the defense the video reportedly showing Joanne selling
two vibrators to undercover narcotics officers.
The
Judge in Joanne's case also ruled that the parties in this case
must keep quiet about Joanne's "sting video" and cannot
speak of the details regarding the arrest and details leading
up to it.
The STOP Narcotics Task Force shot the video at the request
of the Burleson Police Department, according to the judge's
order. Burleson police then arrested Joanne after their "sting"
operation.
I
am with heavy heart over this whole injustice and it is with
great vulnerability that I share with you my thoughts and feelings
on it. In
the beginning of bringing you Joanne's story I felt a sense
of responsibility to let others know about the unjust law that
threatens Joanne with one year in prison and a $4,000.00 fine.
Yet
as I have gotten to know Joanne and her husband Chris and the
unbelievable stress that they have been put under I
have found myself personally angry and very sad.
There
are really two issues here... one is that this law is simply
unconstitutional as the government needs to stay out of our
bedrooms and second, the reason this whole case came about was
not as much about Joanne violating this law as it was that she
was wearing miniskirts to church and because she refused to
stop, she was made a target for the sting operation regarding
her sale of sex toys to women at Tupperware style parties.
"Don't
judge men's wealth or godliness by their Sunday appearance."
Benjamin
Franklin
American Scientist, Publisher, Diplomat
I
have wept tears that ultra conservative members
of our society will ostracize a woman demanding that she feel
ashamed of her body because the damaging effects this has on
women's self esteem is something that I have spent years trying
to help women overcome.
The
Telephone Game-
Remember
the game telephone where kids sit in
a circle and pass a message around ultimately
proving that if it goes through enough people the original message
is distorted?
Well,
I can report that I recently received an eMail from Joanne &
Chris's former pastor... the one who asked them to leave the
church for Joanne's miniskirts and I can tell you first hand
that is exactly what happened.
The
pastor who eMailed asked that I not publish his eMail and because
I am a person of integrity, I will respect his wishes. However,
I will comment on my own thoughts about his eMail as that is
my right.
It
truly seems like he is afraid to stand up and be heard about
what he believes is right based on his request not to have his
thoughts published. Yet he assured me that he stands by his
decision because he believes that the men in their congregation
are "too weak" to resist distraction from their worship
when a woman dresses to enhance her figure. That is his choice
of words... not mine, and honestly I was surprised that he would
say something like that. It really showed to me that he puts
very little faith in his congregation in being able to handle
an attractive woman wearing a mini skirt.
That
Is What Sexual Repression Does-
I believe that if you repress yourself from embracing the beauty
of our birth given sensual natures then you will be prone to
being overwhelmed and unable to focus on worship when an attractive
women wearing clothes that compliment her figure is present.
If you embrace sensuality as natural, beautiful then I believe
you would not have the problem of being so distracted because
it would not trigger your fears and insecurities.
Here
is what I wrote to Chris & Joanne's former pastor-
Please note that
despite my references to God below, our company is not affiliated
with any religion as we believe there are many paths to enlightenment.
I
believe that our bodies are beautiful and celebrating them in
whatever way we choose is a way that we can all honor God. I
believe that God wants us to accept ourselves. This includes
the beautiful bodies that he has provided us all with. To cover
them up is an issue that man has long struggled with and I believe
it is time we evolve and move past such shame based beliefs.
I
also believe in freedom of expression and admire those who respect
the true meaning of it not just when it is convenient. For a
woman to dress in a way that flatters her body is in my opinion
a beautiful way of honoring God for the gift of it. I believe
that God wants us to find balance to live harmoniously and going
to extremes by being overly liberal or conservative throws us
out of balance and makes dysfunctional coping more easily tempting.
"Law
and justice are not always the same. When they aren't,
destroying the law may be the first step toward changing
it."
Gloria Steinem
American Feminist Writer, Editor
I
believe the role of any teacher... minister, therapist, physician
is to share basic beliefs and suggestions and allow for those
they teach to determine if it is right for them. The role of
the church has never seemed to trust that letting go of power
and control over people may actually aid in the evolution of
man.
Many
major religions seem to err on the side of extremes and all
religions can find balance and God when they come from integrity
and empowerment; not control and fear. Many ministers I have
met seem to hold onto the thought that their congregation needs
guidance in justifying teaching discrimination, judgment, and
fear.
I
do not see that as empowerment rather, creating a relationship
where congregates are enabled to think that their soul's evolution
is not their responsibility to determine; that all they need
to do is what someone else tells them rather then think for
themselves. I know the politically based founders of the church
would have found control over the masses to their advantage,
but how much has that premise been based on power versus true
spiritual evolvement?
There
is much to be learned about the concept of free will and compassion.
How many times has Christianity and other religions taken a
wrong turn from justifying collecting money from people to save
their soul to killing people because apparently violence is
all right when you want someone's land or oil. We rationalize
a lot of things we know are wrong and that is why ultimately
I believe in empowering people to find the greatest source of
guidance we have through the voice of God in our heart.
A
hurtful act is the transference to others of the degradation
which we bear in ourselves.
Simone
Weil
French Philosopher
You
may disagree with some of my beliefs and that is all right with
me. What is not all right with me is the way that Joanne's apparel
was addressed or that there are people that will go out of their
way to attack her for educating and empowering women about sex.
I believe that is not what is right in my heart. I believe in
compassion and unconditional love and I believe those who have
ostracized and judged Joanne (not to mention taken legal action
against her) need to rethink those concepts.
I
don't expect to change your view points, but what I do expect
from others is to refrain from allowing their religious beliefs
to impact me or others legally in the U.S. It seems that Joanne's
legal issues were started because of religious beliefs and I
believe this contradicts the basis for which this country was
founded.
Just
as you would not want me to ensure that you have to buy or sell
sex toys, I do not want anyone dictating the opposite in a legal
forum. I believe it to violates the constitution of the United
States of America. For those who do not like that it omits religion
from legalities perhaps they should live in a country that allows
religion and law to merge using the same principles you indicate
are why Joanne and Chris should not be members of your church
(that it is your church and they should abide by your rules).
I
think the supreme court case renouncing Texas from enforcing
a sodomy law in your state recently is a clear message and a
value I hold dear in our country... the government needs to
stay out of our bedrooms.
I
hope for a world of discernment, accountability, and love. I
hope we can overcome our prejudices, judgments, fear and anger.
I hope this eMail finds you well.
If
you have not read the full story CLICK
HERE to read all about it.
From
Chris Webb
(Joanne's Husband)-
As God's
grace is sufficient for any circumstance I must believe for
myself and
my family that His grace will increase to match the challenges
ahead.
Though I
have thanked you for Joanne, I
now am thanking you for myself as a
husband and father ... I must chase fear
from my heart and my home and knowing
that there are many, many spiritual people
who not only not judge us but even love us
is a great encouragement to me.
Thank you
so very much,
Chris
Phone
Call From Joanne-
Joanne also called and thanked us for all of our support (not
only me- Lisa, but all of our readers) and that it has meant
much to her and her family.
Sexual
Enlightenment Quotes For Those That
Embrace It
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
In
honor of of sexual health educators everywhere I have put together
quotes that define why we do what we do, why we challenge laws
that tell us our sexuality is wrong and how we should express
it, and finally why we should come from compassion in doing
so.
I
submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience
tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty
of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the
community over its injustice, is in reality expressing
the highest respect for the law.
Martin Luther King Jr.
"You
will find as you look back upon your life that the moments
when you have really lived are the moments when you have
done things in the spirit of love."
Henry
Drummond British Clergyman
"Love
is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into
a friend".
Martin
Luther King, Jr.
"If
you judge people, you have no time to love them."
Mother Teresa
Does
our ferocity not derive from the fact that our instincts
are all too interested in other people? If we attended
more to ourselves and became the center, the object of
our murderous inclinations, the sum of our intolerances
would diminish.
E.
M. Cioran 1911 Rumanian-born French Philosopher
At the center of non-violence stands the principle of
love.
Martin
Luther King Jr.
Darkness
can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate
cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
Martin
Luther King Jr.
I
have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden
to bear.
Martin
Luther King Jr.
An
unjust law is itself a species of violence. Arrest for
its breach is more so.
Mahatma
Gandhi
"Useless
laws weaken the necessary laws."
Charles
De Montesquieu
1689-1755, French Jurist, Political Philosopher
"Laws
and institutions, like clocks, must occasionally be cleaned,
wound up, and set to true time."
Henry
Ward Beecher
1813-1887, American Preacher, Orator, Writer
"Bad
laws are the worst form of tyranny."
Edmund
Burke
1729-1797, British Political Writer, Statesman
"To
sit in judgment of those things which you perceive to
be wrong or imperfect is to be one more person who is
part of judgment, evil or imperfection."
Wayne
Dyer
American Psychotherapist, Author, Lecturer
"When
you judge another, you do not define them, you define
yourself."
Wayne
Dyer
American Psychotherapist, Author, Lecturer
Those
that judge do so using that which is most hated within
themselves.
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D. CEO
Unconditional
love and compassion are the most challenging of all emotions
to demonstrate when we are confronted by our enemies.
They are however, the most powerful, as vulnerability
is the definition of courage particularly when we are
faced with adversity.
Romantic
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Directions
Mix
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To
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Actual
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What
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"You
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Absolutely. The only material that comes in contact with
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How
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Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D. CEO
We
recommend
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In Our Movie & Book The Art of
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Adult
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in Los Angeles, CA.
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Can
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While
making the mold, will I have to wait until my penis gets 'soft'
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No. The impression-forming gel is extremely flexible,
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if I have questions after I purchase the kit?
We are here and available to answer your questions. We have
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Make
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Clone
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Vibrating
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Make
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ADULT
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Novelty Supplement July 2003 "The step-by-step instructions
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MAGAZINE Vol. 10 #1 2003
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PENTHOUSE
VARIATIONS MAGAZINE Aug 2002
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ADULT
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Order
a Vibrating or Non Vibrating Version- Each kit contains two applications so that you will
have two opportunities to make a mold. We also are offering
a single mold kit as well.
Make
Your Own Vibrating Dildo Kit
Make
Your Own
Dildo Kit
Clone
A Willy Single Dildo Kit
Vibrating
$79.99
Double Applications
$15.00 S&H USA
$22.00 S&H International
$69.99
Double Applications
$15.00 S&H USA
$22.00 S&H International
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Lawless
Linens™
& Passion Pillows™ They
Are Coming!
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
Lawless
Linens~
Patented
Waterproof throws that allow you and your lover to be spontaneous
without having to get lubricants, massage oils and bodily fluids
on your bedding!
The
name of the product is Lawless Linens™. These are pads that
are 3' by 3' and 5' by 5' and made from very rich, beautiful
fabric such as velvet, tapestry, velour, etc.
There are
different designs
however; the concept is the same for all. They have a waterproof
layer made from a special material that is washable and durable.
They
are designed for putting on one's mattress, couch, etc. to allow
for sexual activity without worrying about a mess.
They
can then be thrown in the washer and dryer for easy cleaning.
The designs are made to continue to look beautiful and remain
functional with many washes.
They
are also great for women to put on their sheets during their
menstrual cycle in order to prevent staining their sheets and
for incontinence issues.
Do
We Offer Good Quality?
We are
very particular about what we sell through our corporation.
We do not sell anything that we do not use ourselves. We believe
in excellent customer satisfaction and the golden rule... so
we treat you as we would want to be treated by providing you
with only the best products available!
~
Beautiful
& Colorful Designs
~ Completely
Waterproof Center
~ Washer
& Dryer Friendly
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~ Pre-washed
~ Made In The
USA
Passion
Pillows~
Our
patented Lawless Linens™ will also be released with our
patented Passion Pillows™ which have matching fabrics to
our Lawless Linens as well as have removable covers that allow
you to hide your favorite sex toys and lubricants discreetly
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They
will come in standard and king pillow sizes so you can
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your seductive stash!
Because
we sell them with or without the pillow cases you can use your
own pillow cases or pillow shams to match your other pillows!
It's the perfect way to store them, and with our waterproof
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your sensual valuables!
Can
you spot our Passion Pillow™?
No?
Well that's the point. It's the one on the far left! We are
the first to create this product and will announce it's arrival
in our store shortly. You will be able to purchase them through
our web sites and see the optional pillow case options that
match our waterproof Lawless Linen™ Line very soon!
Passion
Pillow™ Adult Gift "Baskets"~
Want
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bachelor party, wedding, anniversary or birthday gift? Give
our Passion Pillows™ already filled with our best sexual
toys, oils and other erotic pleasures!
Discreet ~ Practical ~ Beautiful
Mini
Passion Pillows™
Will Also Available!
Interested?
Simply
eMail
us and let us know you
are interested in our Passion Pillows™
& Lawless Linens™
and we will send you
an eMail letting you know when they are available.
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Help
Support Sexual Health Educators Donate
To Our Holistic Wisdom Legal Aid Support Fund
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
After
learning of the Joanne
Web case we decided to start a charity department that will
provide adult businesses and individuals like Joanne that need
funds to pay for all of the legal costs that come with such
ridiculous and unconstitutional legal battles.
ALL
proceeds will go to legal assistance to aid individuals that
need it and who are involved in the adult businesses that meet
our standards.
The Holistic Wisdom Legal Aid Charity
Donation
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Holistic
Wisdom
Readers
Forum
This
section allows our readers to provide feedback regarding
articles and topics on our web site. All correspondence
from our readers is with their permission. Opinions
expressed through our forum are not necessarily our
own, but we believe in the freedom of speech and allow
for those who wish to be heard an opportunity to express
themselves.
To submit your opinions
such as the one's shown below
eMail
us for consideration
of publishing it in our next newsletter.
The
suit against Joanne Webb and the law behind it are an
outrage. The law stands in direct opposition to the nature
of the civil liberties we hold so dear. The source of
this law is the local ultraconservative Christianity and
the imposition of these religious mores is representative
of the exact religious persecution that prompted the Quakers,
Protestants and Jews of the old world to sail to America
in the first place.
Neither
sex toys nor their explanation constitute a threat to
our society or any of the members therein and therefore
they do not qualify to be outlawed. It is imperative that
our police spend the little time they do have stopping
real crimes like theft and violence.
Furthermore,
sex toys in no way stand against the fundamental values
of Christianity. Jesus teaches us to love one another,
not to fight. You will find in the Bible direction not
to cast stones at others, but you will not find "thou
shall not put battery-operated cylinders in thine wife."
The Church should be reaching out to people to show them
the love of Christ not pushing them away because of a
lack of sexual repression.
Jay
E. Treat III
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
In
light of the Joanne Webb case in Texas, I thought you
might find the following information about a sex toy law
in Louisiana interesting:
Old
Mississippi law prohibits the sale or distribution of
any artificial device that resembles genitalia and "is
designed or marketed ... for the stimulation of human
genital organs."
SEX-TOY
LAW RULED UNCONSTITUTIONAL
"The
law was passed during the anti-pornography crusade of
the mid-1980s."
NEW
ORLEANS, LA - An obscure state law restricting the sale
of adult sexual aids is unconstitutional, the Louisiana
Supreme Court ruled Tuesday in a 6-1 decision. The high
court upheld an earlier appeal court decision that threw
out the conviction of a woman who sold devices in her
Mandeville-area shop.
A jury in St. Tammany Parish convicted Christine Brenan
in 1998 of promoting obscene devices. She was given a
two-year suspended sentence, five years of probation and
fined $1,500. The 1st Circuit Court of Appeals ruled the
law unconstitutionally vague, a decision upheld in Tuesday's
ruling.
Brenan, who continued operating while appealing to the
Supreme Court, cheered the decision. She said she plans
to expand to three stores within six months.
The seldom-enforced, 15-year-old law prohibits the sale
or distribution of any artificial device that resembles
genitalia and "is designed or marketed ... for the stimulation
of human genital organs."
The 1st Circuit said that, even if the intent of the law
was to stop the sale of the devices to children, it effectively
barred their sale to adults. The appeal court also said
the law could potentially include other forms of stimulation,
such as pornography and skimpy clothing.
The state appealed to the Supreme Court, but lost.
"It
is clear that the legislative basis for the enactment
(of the law) was the suppression of all obscene devices,"
Justice Bernette Johnson wrote for the majority. "The
law was passed during the anti-pornography crusade of
the mid 1980s." Johnson noted that such devices have some
uses that are "therapeutically appropriate" in the treatment
of sexual dysfunction.
I have briefly read the article in the last newsletter
about no
sex drive and would like to add my story. We
have been together for four years and married for three.
We had a few months of sexual relations when we first
met which I instigated when we were drinking. It only
lasted a few months as he started to complain and I
started working within his business and we got very
busy.
We
have been up and down in our relationship both not coping
at times. I used to catch him on the Internet a lot
looking at pics. I didn't deal with it well and got
jealous while he felt guilty.
We
got married, but still no sex until I went to the doc
and got antidepressant pills. It was then that we had
intercourse once. However, he
doesn't believe in pills and I stopped them. I must
add we were both smoking pot.
We
moved to a new town to start a new life. Now that he
is feeling fat, I have given him head a few times. I
have just started to masturbate regularly each time
achieving orgasms. I am proud to say I achieved 5 in
one day. I feel stubborn because I am waiting for him
to want me. He kisses me briefly hello & good bye.
I have tried to talk to him he gets very angry. I can
see the emotion behind it.
He
had a very sexual life before me and I blame this on
that. I even think he has been raped by a man. I'm positive
he mentioned this when we were drinking one night, years
ago.
I
love him heaps and he loves me. We married knowing we
had problems but want to work them out. I have been
to talk with Counselors and they suggest he go, but
he did that when he broke up with an ex and they pumped
him full of drugs. He is a very wise man and has answers
for every thing. I am at a stagnant end and I'm sure
he is too. We have a 8 year old child not his but our
life's are still full of things. I want to believe we
can find magic and love again.
Help,
K
Lisa's
Reply-
Dear
K.,
First
let me say that I am sorry to hear that you and your
husband have been struggling for so long with your sexual
intimacy. There are a few things that you should consider
in making your decisions for the future.
Drugs-
Drugs of any kind (legal or illicit) can potentially
affect sex drive and in turn can impact your sexual
intimacy.
Weight
Gain-
Weight gain can also lower sex drive as it not only
affects self esteem, but can chemically reduce sex drive.
Sexual
Abuse Or Rape Of A Male-
Many men have been sexually assaulted and abused and
are very resistant to getting therapy to work through
the lingering psychological wounds let alone admit it
happened.
Unlike
a woman being sexually abused or raped, a man may feel
that his very masculinity is put into question when
it happens as there is often the irrational thought
that he should have been able to keep it from happening,
it makes him weak and feminine or (if the assault is
by a male) that it makes him homosexual.
These
are unfortunate attitudes toward male rape and sexual
abuse, as men who are victims of it are subject to the
same trauma that women are and should not blame themselves,
question their sexual orientation or masculinity. Rather
these male victims should seek ways to work through
the complex emotions that come with such a violent act.
Men
who have been sexually abused or raped often find that
a female therapist is easier to talk to about these
issues as a male therapist may intimidate them in their
fears of being judged for the assault on them. However,
this attitude does not apply to all male victims.
Overall
Advice-
The bottom line about all of your issues is that there
are no easy answers. As you outlined there are multiple
factors that are influencing your emotional and sexual
connection and it is not something that can simply be
addressed via a web site or eMail message.
Unfortunately
in our society we are impatient and expect quick fixes
and simplistic answers to our problems. Let me just
tell you now that there is no such thing when it comes
to the complexities that you describe in your question.
My
main suggestion is to ask that your husband and you
shop for a therapist that specializes in couples counseling.
If your husband does not want to go, you can tell him
that you would like to go for you and if he could come
with you for support that you would really appreciate
it.
When
I say "shop" for a therapist I mean just that.
Often people call their insurance company or consult
their yellow pages and go to the closest or cheapest
one. Let me just say that is probably not the best approach
to selecting a therapist that will compliment your personalities,
beliefs and preferences. Give a few therapists a call
and let them know that you would like to interview them
for 5 min. to find out if they will be a good fit for
your specific needs.
Therapy
is not an easy process. Choose a therapist whom you
feel respects your individuality, opinions, and self.
You will also want to find a therapist that fits your
lifestyle. For different types of therapy to review
CLICK HERE.
Once you have found an approach that sounds like it
appeals to you contact therapists that specialize in
it.
It
is true that many therapists and physicians tend to
throw medication at the problems of people's psychological
issues these days. Sometimes you must discern for yourself
if you agree with your therapist, after researching
the drugs they are suggesting first.
However,
use of medications can sometimes help during
a transitional period until some of the major psychological
blocks can be overcome. They are not meant to be a permanent
solution, only a temporary aid to assist the emotional
and mental transitions you are attempting to make.
Also
remember that therapy is supposed to get worse
before it gets better... meaning that it is painful
to review emotionally uncomfortable issues in your life.
In order to successfully move through them, you will
have to experience that discomfort until there is release
and renewal.
No
Therapy-
If you choose not to get a therapist, you may want to
consider reading books together that will not only assist
you in your sexual health but also your relationship.
Take a trip to your local book store together and decide
what it is that you wish to accomplish and what book(s)
appeal to you both. Doing something like this is a great
step toward both of you committing to your marriage
and making it what you aspire it to be.
When
you both decide to do something about this and are willing
to take the necessary steps to make changes, that is
when you will be able to see improvement. Until then,
you will get what you settle for in your relationship
and excuses as to why it may be "too hard"
to do anything about it will keep you as you said "stagnate."
I
encourage you both to take responsibility and accountability
for the things that each of you bring to the challenges
in your relationship and commit to make lasting changes
and take the actions needed to make it happen. I wish
you and your husband all the best.
My wife has been using the Rabbit
Habit for several years but her ability to climax
has faded over the last year. It's hard for me to communicate
your advice to her, it makes it seem as if I'm offering
her advice strictly for selfish reasons when in fact
I want her to enjoy the results for herself.
I
know she has tried on her own but how can I know to
what extent. When we try to do it together her patience
wears thin and, after awhile, it seems like we're only
going through the motions. I know she's putting too
much pressure on herself to get it right but who's to
say what's right and wrong and how do I relieve her
of the pressure.
I
don't want to give up and I don't want her to give up
but more importantly, I don't want to drive a wedge
between us. Once again, thank you for your help and
if there's any other advice you might find helpful,
I'm all ears. I will certainly keep you posted if anything
changes.
Just
a note, I did watch the DVD and was quite impressed
with your presentation. You came across as a beautiful
woman with a really down to earth approach. Bravo!
Lisa's
Reply-
Hi,
Thank
you for the compliments on the female
ejaculation video as that is always great to hear.
As far as discussion with you wife on sexuality... that
as you know can be tricky. Before I reply, I want to
mention that there are medical reasons why women are
not as interested in sex and are covered in the following
article- Low Sex Drive In Women.
Women
in our society today carry many roles (mother, wife,
professional, house cleaner, etc.) and to put it simply
it often stresses them out! Many women will go through
periods when sex just isn't a priority to them, and
then other times they are really ready for it.
Often
when sex is not a priority, it is because nurturing
themselves is not a priority. If they took time for
meditation, massage, hot baths and other ways to relax
they may find that they are more in touch with their
sexual urges. Also, for a couple to have a rich sex
life, it is important that you are close with your wife
emotionally, which I will discuss more in a moment.
Sometimes
our daily patterns make it hard to break free and we
find that even though we may be interested in sex that
we aren't sure how to break out of the boredom and repetition.
A
weekend getaway, or even romantic setting in your bedroom
with lit candles, glasses of wine, and sensual music
can really make a huge difference. Of course a lot of
couples feel a little funny doing that at first, but
if you start slow with back massages and talking the
mood can quickly turn to hot, passionate sexual renewal.
Never
underestimate small, romantic gestures that are out
of the ordinary and the impact that they have. The main
thing to do is start by asking her how she is and have
no sexual plan in place. Spend an evening just talking
about sexual fantasies and dreams that perhaps were
lost along the way. If you connect with a woman emotionally
then the sex becomes more effortless.
Women
often bring a beautiful energy to the sexual arena...
emotion and intimacy. Men often tend to have to work
at it a bit more and can think that it is perhaps too
much work to get their needs met sexually. However,
I can say the same applies for women that want emotionally
intimacy and sometimes feel that "putting out"
to get it is too much work too!
Am
I being stereo typical? Absolutely! Women some times
just want to get fucked without a lot of chit chat just
as men want emotional connection in making love. However,
the stereo type is often where we end up when we are
talking about a women's lack of sexual desire for mental
and emotional reasons.
Overall
in regard to your concerns, the best approach I have
found is to communicate and come from a place of "I"
statements. This means saying what you feel rather what
you thinks she feels. Also, coming from a very humble
and vulnerable place is also very attractive to women.
Here
are some things that may apply to you in regard to speaking
with your wife about your sexual aspirations with her-
"I
don't feel like I am the best lover I can be to you
and it concerns me. I want to learn more about you;
explore what your deepest desires are, because I often
feel that I am uncertain as to what will please you
the most."
"I
want to be the best lover you have ever had and bring
you all the sexual pleasure a woman can experience.
Can you talk with me about what your fantasies are and
how we might make them come true?"
"I
am feeling insecure about my ability to sexually pleasure
you and I need your help to overcome that. Can you talk
with me about what you really like and don't like so
I can be a better lover to you?"
"Sometimes
I want to buy you sensual gifts, but I am not sure what
you might like. Can you visit a website with me and
show me things that you think might appeal to you from
sensual bathing supplies to toys?"
"I've
heard that women who female ejaculate experience incredible
pleasure when they have orgasms and I want so much to
give you the most intense orgasm you have ever had and
to bring you amazing pleasure as well as highly deserved
release! Can we try some things that may help you achieve
that... I truly want you to be the most sexually satisfied
you can be as it makes me feel like I am the best lover
I can be to you."
"I
have heard that when you female ejaculate you have so
much pleasure that you almost transport to another world
sexually. I have put together a blanket, sensual music,
candles and a special toy (like the Rabbit Habit) in
the bedroom for you if you want to try it when you are
alone sometime or we can try it together."
Remember
that women in our society have often been taught that
their sexuality is something that should remain modest.
Talking to her about how she grew up, what sexual attitudes
she was taught and now holds is also a good way to understand
where she is coming from.
Inviting
her to be more free to explore her deepest sexual desires
because you love her after you have taken the time to
delve deeper into her mental and emotional status on
sexuality is a good place to start.
I
wish you the best of luck!
Lisa
Hi
Lisa,
LOVE
your web page and eMails. Your last newsletter mentioned
men's toys.
Fantastic
feel (and price)..........can't be beat and men finally
have a decent "toy" of their own!
Regards,
Chris
Dear
Lawless,
Thank
you for your newsletter and the info on the case in
Texas. First, I grew angry reading the Kinko's story.
That manager must have been threatened by a sexual woman
due to being unable to please a woman. Too bad he was
a coward about it for a month. People like him have
trouble breaking away from our puritanical roots. The
USA was founded by religious zealots who were also masochistic.
History calls them pilgrims, but I call them grim pills!
Second,
I live in Houston. It is common for people here to use
mail order or to drive over the border to Louisiana
to buy sex devices. My friend, who is a lesbian, came
in from another state a few years ago. We decided to
visit a leather shop in Houston. I will not mention
the name of this establishment.
I
knew this friend of mine was looking for a dildo. I
thought the chances of finding one were going to be
slim in my state, but we went up to the counter and
asked the owner if he had any dildos we could buy. He
looked us up and down. Believe me, we didn't look like
cops, but he actually asked, "You two aren't cops, are
you?" We said no. After a long pause, he motioned for
us to come with him.
We
walked down a dark hallway into the back of the store.
He had a few boxes stashed away. He opened one and showed
us a phallus that was just beautiful and very reasonably
priced. My friend bought it ( For cash. So there would
be no evidence of the sale? ). It was like we were buying
crack in an alley! We stuck it to the fearful people
who created these anti-sexuality laws.
Afterward,
we went to a lesbian bar and affixed the phallus to
the counter with the suction cup on the bottom. Everyone
had a big laugh. The bar was full of lawbreakers ( lesbians
).
I
personally feel no anxiety about breaking these particular
laws- sodomy and buying sexual aides. Anyway, thank
you for your coverage of the event.
You
are beautiful and so is Joanne. I am fully in support
of her freedom.
I
was in Holland years ago. What had the greatest influence
on me was just how sexually free people are in that
country. The women who sell devices in their boutiques
are happy to talk about each one and how to use it.
It's like they have never heard of guilt or fear. I
found them deeply inspiring. I hope I haven't gone too
long. I just have to tell you what a great service you
are providing. I wish you the best.
From
Chris Webb 
VICE
MAGAZINE Vol. 10 #1 2003 
NUGGET
March 2001 
HUSTLER
MAGAZINE Apr 2000 
Lawless
Linens~
Our
patented Lawless Linens™ will also be released with our
patented Passion Pillows™ which have matching fabrics to
our Lawless Linens as well as have removable covers that allow
you to hide your favorite sex toys and lubricants discreetly
inside! 
No?
Well that's the point. It's the one on the far left! We are
the first to create this product and will announce it's arrival
in our store shortly. You will be able to purchase them through
our web sites and see the optional pillow case options that
match our waterproof Lawless Linen™ Line very soon!
The
Holistic Wisdom Corporation