Holistic Wisdom
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The Holistic Wisdom Journal  

September 17, 2004
Articles In This Issue...

~ Weight Loss & Maintenance
   
How I Got My Body Primed To Do It

~ Premature Ejaculation
   
A Realistic Understanding

~ An "Overweight" Sex Life
   Ways To Make It Spectacular!

~ New Products
   
Check Out Our Latest Additions


~ The Holistic Wisdom Reader's Forum
   
Comments From Our Readers


~
The Sexual Wisdom™ Section    
   
Sex In The News

Man Admits Guilt In Removing Genitals

Women Molested After Giving Birth

Hugh Hefner Inducted Into The Erotic Hall Of Fame

Man Attempts To Sue Wife For 5 Sexless Days

Ahh-nold Bans Sex With Corpses

Low Sperm Count With Frequent Ejaculations

Divorce Predictions?

16 Year Old Girl Hung For Sex

Sexy Offensive Candy Reports A Hoax

We Like Our Look In Others

 

Quote of the Week-

 

 

Joke of the Week-

American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
                  hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
                  whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
                  over and over again you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe ex-lovers
                  are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
                  converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
                 rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion you are
                  tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
                  are laughing with you.

 

 

 

 

 

Weight Loss
How I Got My Body Primed To Do It

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

 

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., CEO

 

Healthy weight loss is not merely starving your body of calories as that only causes other parts of your body to become stressed, including putting your metabolism on alert that you are "starving," thus slowing it down.

The key to healthy weight loss is providing your body with the optimum nutrients it need to lose weight. Kind of like taking your car in for servicing to make sure that it is going to run at it's optimum levels. When your body is running at it's optimum levels, it can then flush the excess weight out of your system more easily while still allowing you to feel energized.

Being someone who has lost a lot of excess weight after having my son, I can tell you that it took me a long time to figure out how to do it and keep it off. I had tried many diets and lost weight only to gain it back again. I spent a great deal of time studying nutrition to understand what the body actually needs to lose weight, and keep it off while not causing it harm such as overdosing on caffeine, Ephedra (Ma Huang) and other types of stimulants that may cause more harm than good.

Being someone who generally dislikes exercise and has a very full schedule I needed to find things that were quick and easy and not a part of some fad diet that would deplete my energy levels during the day. Because of my busy life, I needed all the energy I could get and when trying diets I found I was easily fatigued and actually felt weak. I also found that they were hard to do since I don't like cooking very much and I don't like having to think about a bunch of details about counting calories, fat, vitamins, points, carbs, etc. Diets that made me write stuff down and spend a lot of time calculating or cooking were not going to work for me because I knew I would not be able to keep it up long term.


Kary Bennett, M.A., C.N.
Founder of Essential Wellness

Isn't that what we are really are talking about here... long term, because anyone who had lost weight and kept it off knows that it is a lifestyle change not a diet that will be the winning ticket. So, I struggled for a few years until I found something that I could do everyday with little effort.

I was chatting with my friend (Kary Bennett) who is a nutritionist and was telling her my struggle. I told her that I was really frustrated and did not know what to do. I had tried prescription medication- Phentermine, and even took an Asian Cooking Class, and while those things helped, I still could not figure out how to consistently follow a routine that would ensure my body was getting all the nutrients it needed to optimize weight loss, feel energized and keep it off while making it easy. That's when she introduced me to a company that has a really healthy and easy weight loss system.

Intrigued, I asked her more... I mean, considering that she spent her entire career studying nutrition I wanted to get her inside view into why she thought this company was a good one and had quality products. She told me that this company (Oasis) was a true leader in the field of health because they use the highest quality raw materials from their own farms and forests around the world. They also test the ingredients and formulas at the DNA level - a process called Genomics. Currently, no other natural products company uses Genomics to test its products. I was impressed, after all it seems that there are so many companies that throw things together and never test them, let alone at the DNA level!

When I look at the diet foods out there I have to think that most companies take us for complete idiots. Look at the ingredients in a SlimFast drink or bar... the 1st 4 ingredients are skim milk, sugar, fructose and cocoa, in other words: milk, sugar, sugar and chocolate. Honestly, I can't think of much worse other than eating a bunch of lard on a high protein diet!

When you look for a health drink, health bar or other diet product make sure you look at what they are really serving you. If it's like most out there you might as well just have a snickers bar because it's basically the same ingredients! Certainly these sugar based "diet" products are not going to give you the fuel your body needs to keep going strong during and after weight loss. The high protein/low carb products are not much better.

If you drink or eat something that is high in sugar, you are going to be hungry and that leads to any easy failure on your diet. It is important to find something that tastes good and has no refined sugar, corn syrup or fructose.


I got the Oasis weight loss products called Inthinity (it has no sugar, instead it uses Stevia to sweeten) and I am not kidding you when I say that within 10 minutes of drinking my first morning shake I really began to feel good. It was like my body was saying "Geeze, chick it's about time!" It also makes you feel full just like a meal and that to me is also impressive.

If you are like me, your day consists of energy peaks and valleys as you battle with hunger, cravings, and fatigue but this shake- MetaFuel has a time-released energy system that keeps you within your ideal energy zone to help you feel invigorated and satisfied. I felt great all day.

It is a delicious meal replacement beverage that provides an ideal protein to carbohydrate ratio. It's a nutritional powerhouse designed specifically for the metabolic needs of your body, making it a complete "meal in a glass" with zero saturated fat. I love them, they are so delicious too, my hubby drinks them too because they are not only good for weight loss, but just for keeping the body in good shape regardless of weight.

The next week, I got the supplements MetaPower And MetaBurn. They really made a difference as well. MetaPower helps to maintain the ideal balance of essential fats to optimize fat-burning and energy production.

It is now known that a critical balance of essential fats in your diet dramatically influences whether your body burns or stores fat. MetaPower helps to maintain this critical balance to access stored fat to create energy. The result is a leaner, more invigorated body. MetaPower ingredients have been shown to contribute to better brain function, immune support, and healthier looking skin. I can say that I do feel sharper in my ability to concentrate and my skin is not dry even when I skip lotion. Living in arid Colorado, that is saying a lot!

 

MetaBurn contains all-natural ingredients that support fat-burning without harmful side effects. Whether the fat is concentrated on your thighs, hips or abdomen, MetaBurn can assist your body in reducing fat. It is the ultimate fat-loss energizer, without Ma Huang or Ephedra - so you won't experience an increase in heart rate or feel agitated.

 

Exercise-

I also began walking my dog in the morning for 45 minutes and found that it too helped me to feel more energized and provided a good means of exercise for both my dog and myself. I got an exercise bike as well so that on rainy or snowy days there is no reason why I can't have some exercise.

What ended up happening was that I began to feel so good, that I actually looked for ways to exercise from hikes, to swimming and more. I felt wonderful and for the first time in my life really felt fantastic physically.

Why Am I Sharing All This With You Now?

Guilt... as I continued to lose weight and feel so wonderful I began to feel guilty that I was not telling people about this in our newsletter. I always like to share things that really work well and are great products so I began to look into how I could make them easy for people to get because the Oasis products are hard to find in stores.

I called Oasis and found that they had a very rigid retailer program that made me jump several hoops to carry their products and required we pay near retail prices for them to have them on our web sites. I did not care so much about making money on these products, I just wanted you to know about them and make them easy for you to acquire.

I am happy to report, I finally got permission and I added them to our site just this week. There are a lot more products that they carry and I will be adding them all. I did make sure to add all the products that I use to the site this week, because I can personally vouch for them and wanted to make them available.

Oasis Health Products
Whether you want healthy shakes or supplements to assist you with weight loss, added energy, or just to help slow down the aging process, look no further we carry the best quality in health products available!

 


 

 

 

Advanced Fellatio Instruction

 

Read and see much more through The Art of Fellatio Manual available online or in a soft cover binder with
8 minutes of video available as a download or on CDROM.

See what is covered in the
manual and video below-

 

Positions
Techniques
Instruction
Media
Basic & Best
68 1/2
69
Face Fucking
On Your Knees
On The Side

Visual Importance
Stage Fright
The Exhibitionist

Deep Throat
Gagging Remedy

Using Teeth
Kisses & Tongue
Do The Twist
Shirley Temple Licks
Head, Shaft & Scrotum
Grabbing His Behind
Making Him Tight
Hand Job Combo
Vacuum
Double Penetration
Teeth Guards
Thigh Highs
Hummers
The Harmonica
The Drum
Hot & Cold
Women's Lubricant
Hands On Your Head
Adore The Cock


Penis Anatomy
Messes
Orgasms
Perineum Love
Anal Love
Nipple Love
Mouth Love
Fatigue Warning
Health Concerns
STD Prevention
Hygiene
Tips For Receiver
Clean Up
Post Etiquette
Toys & Products
Fellatio In Water

FREE Pictures-
A variety of close ups from Lisa Lawless' home library.


FREE Video-
Approximately 8 minutes of various personal video clips from Lisa Lawless' home library.

The video clips are for entertainment and do not contain instruction. They are available as a download or on CDROM. Real Player or Windows Media Player is required to view it.

Instant Access-
For Web Access to our manual of Advanced Fellatio positions, techniques, pictures & a bonus FREE Instant Access of 8 minute Video Download
Manual & CDROM-
For a Hard Copy of the manual of Advanced Fellatio Positions, Techniques, Pictures & a bonus FREE CDROM of 8 minute Video

$14.99
$19.99
Plus $5.00 S&H

 

 

 

 

Premature Ejaculation
A Realistic Understanding

Reality Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.,
Sexologist & Adult Sexuality Educator

The Problem

Many men are concerned with their rapid ejaculation. The greatest concern is expressed among younger men, but many of these settle down as they age. Most men have had the experience of losing control in a passionate encounter with a new and exciting woman, but familiarity typically will take care of this. However, there are men of all ages who ejaculate rapidly every time, even as they and their relationship ages.

The Definition

So, what is premature ejaculation? The term implies that it happens early, before it is due, and most men have taken this to mean that their orgasm occurs before they have had time to enjoy intercourse, before the woman has had time to enjoy intercourse, or before the partner has been able to reach her orgasm during intercourse. Let's start with the last... female orgasms during intercourse. The reality is that the majority of women do not and can not reach orgasm during intercourse, no matter how long the man can endure. There just is not enough clitoral stimulation in the majority of intercourse positions.

We don't want anyone to miss the point! Intercourse is not necessarily the most effective way to bring a woman to orgasm! This is perhaps why men seem more concerned with the problem than do many of their partners. Many women enjoy the manual and ora

The Label

I prefer the term rapid ejaculation over premature ejaculation, for I believe it better defines the behavior and carries less stigma. Some men are fast... they ejaculate rapidly. But how fast is fast? The average young healthy male with ejaculate in about 3 to 4 minutes with nonstop trusting, and some say that average is even faster... 2 to 3 minutes. So, let's say that a young man who ejaculates after three minutes of steady thrusting is within the average range. I have seen men who could last 5 minutes, but believed they were premature ejaculators because they thought they should be able to last as long as they like and ejaculate at will. Are there men who naturally last 15 minutes or more? Of course there are, but there are also men who cannot ejaculate at all. Like I have said, it's on a continuum, from one extreme where men who ejaculate prior to penetration to those who do not get there at all.

What's The Cure?

That answer is easy. There is none, because rapid ejaculation is not an illness! One highly respected sex therapist claims a "cure" can be achieved in fourteen weeks, while another says eight to twelve. The problem with the concept of "cure" is the implication that once fixed, you can forget all about the illness. A follow-up study, however, demonstrates the error in this thinking, for this research found that three years after being "cured," the majority of the men were ejaculating just as rapidly as they were before entering therapy. What happens when men expect a cure and professionals offer it is that once improvement is gained, everyone quits working on the ejaculatory control and nothing has really been changed!

What Is The Answer?

That is like asking, "How do you get to Carnegie Hall." The answer, "Practice, practice, practice." I believe men can learn effective strategies for the management of their ejaculatory response. It is possible to learn what is needed to do to stay in control, but once learned, a man can never stop managing his response. I believe it is a long process, but can be a joyful one. Quite honestly, men who are not in loving relationships with understand and cooperative women are at a disadvantage. What needs to be learned and practiced is done best within the context of a healthy and playful relationship. However, it will help a single male if he understands the process needed for control and there are ways the can begin practicing on his own.

Look For The Easy Answers

I think we all wish there were easy answers for life's toughest problems. Unfortunately, sex therapists have promised a quick behavioral cure, hypnotists have claimed success through post-hypnotic suggestion, and doctors have prescribed pills that are hyped as the "magic bullet". The reality is, some men do well with sex therapy, others really do not learn what they should have learned. Hypnosis might certainly help a man relax, which is important in learning control, but there is more to mastering the reflex than just relaxation. Some men respond to the medications being prescribe, but the effect wears off for some, others experience no change, and some temporarily lose their ability to ejaculate at all. Some men have even reported that the medication interferes with their ability to obtain an erection.

Unfortunately, the men who have been ejaculating within seconds for the past thirty years are probably reaching orgasm too quickly to have time to begin practicing what needs to be practiced. For these men, the medication might be one of the first things to tried. The good news is that any negative side effects only last as long as the man is taking the drug. The bad new is that any positive side effects also only last as long as the man is taking the drug! Unless a man is willing to take a medication for as long as he wishes to sexual, he should not look at the drug as a "cure." For some it will allow a man time to relax, worry less, and work on the things he must work on to learn effective control.

From the site- The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) you can request the names of qualified sex therapists practicing in your geographic area. If you are uncertain about what sex therapy is, go to my page which offers an Introduction to Sex Therapy. Many men will want to try on their own before investing time and money in seeing a therapist.

The following are items that we offer that focus on ejaculation control-

 

Movies


Our Low Price-
$24.99


Extended Orgasm
Clinically-tested techniques developed by physician and world-renowned human sexuality expert, Dr. Jean-Yves Desjardins provide total ejaculation control for longer sex. Discover the easy-to-learn and scientifically-proven methods to increase your partner's pleasure and build her arousal so she may reach a fully satisfying orgasm. This world-class program includes a unique combination of techniques that teach a man a blend of modern and ancient secrets about how to control his breath, how to properly position his body and how to maintain the pace of his lovemaking until the desired moment of orgasm is achieved.

Time:
30 Min.

 

 

You Can Last Longer
(DVD) $24.99
Running Time: 55 Minutes Studio: Sinclair Institute
More than five million men reach orgasm sooner than they or their partners would like. Fortunately, almost all of them can learn simple methods to achieve greater ejaculatory control. While Dr. Derek C. Polonsky and sex therapist Marian E. Dunn walk you through the mechanics, real couples demonstrate in explicit detail the step-by-step self-help techniques most prescribed by sex therapists. The Stop/Start Technique and the Squeeze Technique, for example, have been proven to be 90% effective. Explicit sexual content.

 

 

eBooks


Our Low Price-
$19.99
eBook Download
178 pages

 


The Ultimate Ecstatic Solution to Premature Ejaculation

By Jeffre & Somraj
Learn to prevent premature ejaculation forever naturally with our best-selling ebook for men and their lovers, Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery. It offers powerful exercises, explicit sex tips, and proven advice that explain the ultimate Tantric approach to making love for as long as your partner wants, while you experience more ecstasy than you ever imagined possible.



Our Low Price-
$24.99
Soft Cover

 

Male Sexual Endurance
By Robert W. Birch, Ph.D
Dr. Birch graphically portrays the positions of intercourse in which ejaculatory control can best be practiced. No other book on the market addresses the issue of coital positioning as a factor in prolonging mutual sexual pleasure during intercourse. This book is not just about premature ejaculation and ejaculatory control. It is also about effective sexual communication, joyful sexual caress, and playful erotic experimentation. Within these pages, there are messages to be learned that will be good for a lifetime.


 

Products

$6.99
1 oz


Maintain
Use Maintain® to stay longer! Maintain® desensitizing lubricant provides greater staying power and prolongs the sexual pleasure of both partners. The lubricant is clear and odorless. DIRECTIONS: Apply a small amount to head and shaft of penis before intercourse, or as directed by a physician. Wash off after intercourse. ACTIVE INGREDIENT: Benzocaine, 7.5% in a water washable base. Also contains Carbomer, Polyethylene Glycol.

 

 

 

 

Our Top Sellers~

Make Your Own Vibrating Dildos
Now you can finally make a very personal vibrating or non-vibrating realistic dildo! This one-of-a-kind kit will create an "identical twin" of yours or your lovers penis and scrotum, using the same patented replication technology employed by special effects houses in Hollywood!
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Collections / Sets
Complete vibrator sets with sleeves and accessories. A perfect gift or for people wanting to explore different options! Read & See More

 

Fleshlights: Ultimate Male Masturbation
Our revolutionary "Real Feel Super Skin" gel inserts elevate sexual pleasure and freedom to new and exciting peaks. You won't believe how real and lifelike these feel when they are lubed up and warmed to body temperature! Cleverly disguised, the Fleshlight™ can be stored & concealed in variety of settings.
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Hitachi Magic Wand
May I just say Mmmmmmm! This is heaven. It is not only great for pleasuring the clit and vaginal lips, but your anus, nipples and for men... some like it on their balls, head and shaft. All right, you can use it everywhere! It is my favorite toy and if you only get one sex toy your whole life... get this! Read & See More

The Waterdancer
This quiet little vibrator is great for clitoral and nipple stimulation. I love it because you can use it in the tub or when you spray over two cups of female ejaculation! Gotta have a waterproof toy when that is going on! It is powerful for a smaller vibrator and I like it better than the "bullet" and "egg" vibrators. It's also discreet and great for travel. Definitely a good choice.
Read & See More

 

The Rabbit Habit
This is better than the ever popular Rabbit Pearl because it is cordless. I really love this dildo/vibrator because it cradles your clit while it stimulates your g-spot. It is also bendable, rotates and vibrates and is one of our best sellers as well as a toy many of our customers have told me they love. Read & See More

 

The Art of Female Ejaculation
I could not help but recommend the video that I created because I feel it has helped so many women and their partners. I love when customers eMail me back and say that it worked for them as if they are surprised! I know that even people that purchase it are skeptical that it will work for them until they try the techniques. I then end up getting hundreds of eMails every week saying "Wow, it worked!" Obviously this the best video I can recommend.

DVD
VHS
VOD
Video On Demand

eBook
Book

 

Bedroom Gear
Liberator:
Wedges, Ramps, Stages, Cube, Woody Goody Bag.
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Rocky Road Baton
This is a favorite pyrex glass dildos with many of our customers because of the handle and the wide head on the shaft. A wonderfully defined head for a very full sensation, a bumpy shaft for great stimulation (you really feel it when it's inside you) and the handle makes it so easy to manipulate. Great for g-spot and prostate massage and warms to your body temperature and is washed easily.
Read & See More

 

The Essence CD
When my hubby and I first began dating and I was planning for a romantic night in which we would make love for the first time, I made sure this was playing in the background. It made our night together more beautiful and sensual! Both of us to this day feel ready to whisk one another into the bedroom every time we hear it!!! This is the perfect CD to make the mood erotic, sensual, mysterious, spiritual, and downright spicy! - Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., CEO (Holistic Wisdom Founder)
Read & See More

To listen to a sample of this CD
CLICK HERE

 

 

 

An "Overweight" Sex Life
Frank Discussion On Ways To Make It Spectacular!

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

 

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., CEO

Member of American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists
( AASECT )

 

The following article reviews aspects of sexual play and intercourse for those who are overweight, have partners who are overweight or are in a partnership where both partners are overweight.

First, I will review some of the emotional aspects that may present as challenges and then I will address sexual positions that have been successful for obese couples and pregnant women.

Self Esteem Aspects

There are many overweight people who have a wonderful sense of self esteem and enjoy a fruitful, creative and pleasureful sex life. There are also those who struggle with being overweight physically as well as emotionally.

There are many reasons why people put on excess weight, from physical to emotional aspects. Regardless, I want to share with you my own experience of having been overweight in my life. I struggled with excess weight (especially after my pregnancy with my son) and during that time, I really struggled with low self esteem.

From feeling self conscious of my weight during sex, feeling afraid to be nude in front of my husband, and even having intense disgust with my body, I have had to deal with all the possible negative feelings one can have when it comes to being overweight. Even with an accepting and loving partner, there is nothing worse sexually than feeling repulsive during sex as your level of vulnerability is so high. I can certainly relate to those that have similar experiences and wanted to let those of you have feel this way... you are not alone.

Again, this is not to say that all people that are overweight feel self conscious about it during sex; but those with self esteem issues that tie into their weight most certainly do and I did not want to neglect this aspect as it can be a terribly painful challenge to work through.

What I have known for a long time and had to work hard to actually embrace as a reality is to know that our worth is not dictated by our appearance. What I mean, is that while I have always felt accepting of other people and have deep empathy and compassion, I have struggled in providing that to myself. I felt that when I was overweight, that I was not as worthy of love and respect from myself or others as when I was thin. I knew this was irrational, yet emotionally it was difficult to escape feeling that way.

Stereotypes of overweight people are often bullshit. Sorry for being so blunt, but it's true! Overweight people are NOT lazy, they are NOT less intelligent, they are NOT always jolly. They ARE the same inside as those who are thin and ARE just as sexual as anyone else. They are beautiful human beings no matter what society tries to dictate.

 

I feel strongly that no matter your weight, sex can be beautiful, sensual and even healing. What the numbers say on the scale is not measurement of self worth and whether you want to lose weight, or stay the way your are, great sex always comes down to embracing the beauty in ourselves and with our partner(s). Loving ourselves for who we are, as we are in each moment.

Sounds great right? Yes, I think so, but sometimes not so easy to feel inside. For a long time I struggled to get my body back in shape and to lose weight. I tried many diets, learned a great deal about nutrition, exercise and even went to group therapy for people who struggle with eating disorders (as I have struggled with eating as a means to nurture myself through overeating and then starving myself from guilt).

After a few years of struggling with my emotional connection with food I finally figured out the perfect diet, lost weight and was able to feed my need for nurturing without excess food. The diet? Love... self love. I realized that until I was able to accept myself no matter what, whether I was overweight, had a terrible accident was disfigured or had the privilege to grow old and watch my body deteriorate over time... I would never know what it was to be happy.

 

Since that time, I have have steadily provided myself with more acceptance, and compassion. I have forgiven myself for not being perfect and allowed myself to experience life as the messy, challenging, exhilarating, beautiful roller coaster that it is. True, some days I still stumble over self esteem and even find myself thinking that eating an entire bag of cookies would be nice. We all have those days. It is how we handle things on a long term basis. It is a daily commitment to a lifestyle of loving ourselves to do what will ultimately make us happy, healthy and able to achieve our dreams.

No matter what we struggle with, it is our perception of ourselves that creates our reality, and when we perceive ourselves as unworthy of love, ugly, or even inadequate than we create a life where we never fully live. That is why we must first begin with loving ourselves no matter our shape, size, or appearance. We are all beautiful human beings, we all deserve love.

 

Taking Care of Yourself Regardless of Weight

Certainly being overweight can increase one's risk of disease and being extremely overweight can make the risks even higher. Whether one wishes to stay overweight, lose weight or even gain weight it is important to provide your body with the nutrients it needs through a diet rich in vitamins, minerals via water consumption, vegetables, fruits, protein and whole grains. In addition, getting adequate physical activity, stress reduction activities (such as meditation) and sleep are not only ways to maintain health no matter your weight, but also keep your sex life robust and pleasureful.

Everything is interconnected and thus you really cannot ignore the importance of taking care of yourself on all levels. That is why I focus on providing information and resources for your body, mind and spirit. For when one aspect of your life is out of whack, it will affect other aspects of your life, and often this includes your sex life.

 

Sex In The Real World: Anxiety

In the real world, sex is often accompanied by anxiety. Even if it only occurs infrequently everyone at one time or another has experienced fear of rejection, fear of not meeting their partner's expectations, and fear of not being able to perform as these are among the most common emotional barriers to sex. Anxiety can impede or disable sexual performance and many overweight people suffer all these problems amplified by their excess weight.

Again, I am not saying that all overweight people are uncomfortable with their excess pounds, I am merely presenting some of the obstacles for those whom ARE uncomfortable with being overweight may experience.

 

Weight Gain & Dieting

When one gains weight they may find that due to the chemical changes in the body their sex drive or functioning is reduced. This may occur to lowered self esteem and poor body image due to the weight gain as well which in turn can lower sex drive and performance. However, keep in mind that most overweight people do just fine when it comes to their sex drive and ability.

If there are challenges-

Women may find that they will skip periods on their menstrual cycle and find that sex is more stressful than pleasurable the more weight they gain. Men may find that they have difficulty maintaining an erection and have difficulty getting full penetration due to a larger waist line. Weight loss certainly aids these issues, but be warned with fad diets as "yo-yo" dieting (loosing and regaining weight repetitively) may also cause physical problems that affect sexual drive and functioning as well.

See our nutritional supplements that aid in WEIGHT LOSS.

Read Articles On WEIGHT LOSS.

 

Hiding

Many obese persons attempt to hide their bodies under cover of darkness, or keep their clothes on during sexual intimacy. The concept of being sexually undesirable is a strong influence in many cultures and may create a strong feeling of wanting to hide.

Apart from agonizing experiences of rejection, some overweight people experience a lowering of expectations. Women in particular often have strong feelings in this area as if they feel they are risking too much rejection by even contemplating a relationship with the sort of person they want for a partner.

Men may also experience these concerns, however it is often seen more commonly in women as statistically obese men typically have less opportunity for sexual interaction and their excess weight may keep them out of the sexual arena for many years.

These self deprecating situations can be broken by acquiring self-esteem and confidence in life and specifically in sexuality regardless of weight loss.

 

Physical Challenges

Obstacles from size issues such as a large belly or lack of flexibility and cardiovascular endurance can be aided by finding comfortable sexual positions as well as creative and proactive approaches to sex.

If two obese people are coupled, intercourse may prove to be challenging, but nonetheless it is not only possible, but can be wonderfully satisfying. Obesity is rarely, if ever, a barrier to intercourse. Fat is never stored in the penis, nor does it choke off access to the ovaries (as Hippocrates taught, and generations of physicians believed).

In fact, the human body is remarkably well-designed for storing fat in large quantities. Mother Nature keeps fat away from the vital and sensory organs, away from the joints, and away from the genitals.

 

Sexual Positions For Obese Couples

MALE ON TOP/UPRIGHT-

The "missionary position" can be challenging but certainly not impossible. To make it easier, I recommend using pillows to help lift an overweight woman to tilt her pelvis upward and make it easier to access. Also, she may find it helpful to lie on her back, her legs bent at the hips, her thighs open as wide as possible, and her knees fully bent, thus completely exposing her vulva and vagina.

If she has a big tummy, she can lift it away from her pubic region with both hands, at least until the man gets himself positioned between her thighs. If penetration is still difficult, it can help to put one or more pillows under her bottom.

If you use a pillow or Liberator Shape™, your vagina becomes elevated and entry is easier. If you use two pillows, entry will not only be easy, it will be different. If you raise your legs to a certain height, the angle of penetration and the points of friction will be different than if you raise your legs to another height, or if you do not raise them at all. You would be amazed at the variations three inches up or down can create.

When a woman is overweight it makes more sense for the man to kneel rather than lay on top during intercourse.

When the man is overweight it may be preferable to raise your body high enough - or lift your abdomen with your hands, if necessary - so that your partner can guide the penis to its destination. This will be a little easier if the woman places a pillow beneath her buttocks. Also, try not to initially drop your full weight on your partner. Rather, prop yourself up with your hands rather than your elbows, and lower yourself gradually.

At the first indication that your weight is uncomfortable for her, raise yourself again. Most women, even the smallest and most fragile-looking, can support a good deal more weight than you would suppose.

Drawbacks to this position are usually pulmonary. An obese woman may find it difficult to breathe while lying flat on her back, and an obese man my find it difficult to catch his breath while doing the work of lovemaking for an extended period of time. In such cases, a couple can follow the same "stop-and-start" method advised for men with premature ejaculation problems.

The "stop-and-start" method is when a man first stimulates the woman to orgasm without intercourse. The couple then has intercourse in the female-dominant position, and finally in the male-dominant position. As this last is usually the most stimulating position for the male, he is likely to finish before either partner runs out of air.

FEMALE-DOMINANT POSITION-

This position comes highly recommended for obese men, or where both partners are obese. Among its many benefits is the ease with which it permits touching, stroking, and caressing of almost the entire body. The man lies on his back, with his legs straight, or knees slightly bent. If he has a large abdominal area, he can lift it up with both hands, as the woman straddles over him with her knees bent, facing him. She can thus easily slide his erect penis into her vagina and start her pelvic thrusts either alone or in conjunction with his.

FEMALE DOMINANT, BACK TO FRONT-

When both partners have particularly large tummies, the dominant woman can face her partner's feet. The man lies on his back and the woman straddles him with her back facing his front. She then inserts his penis into her vagina from the rear.

The problem here is that the woman may have to stay in a crouching posture for quite some time before the man adjusts himself to the angle of penetration. With patience this can be a satisfying angle. When penetration has occurred, he can push his belly up before she sits completely, then he can rest on her behind.

REAR ENTRY POSITION-

Also known as "doggie style," this position has long been advocated a good position for obese couples. Rear entry is not without its drawbacks, however. If the man's penis is particularly short, or if the woman's internal anatomy is positioned at an unusual angle, it may be literally impossible for a couple to copulate from the rear. It can also be hard on a obese woman's knees if not on a bed. Nevertheless, many couples swear by it, and the size of a woman's buttocks and thighs doesn't seem to affect the matter.

The woman kneels on the bed with her legs slightly apart, and lowers her chest so that her behind is elevated. By kneeling behind her, and holding his stomach up with his hand at the same time, the man can readily insert his penis from the rear. He can also rest his abdomen on the woman's buttocks to make it easier for him to continue his sexual thrusts throughout intercourse.

SIM'S POSITION-

This position, named after a famous surgeon-gynecologist, is a modified rear-entry position for instances where the woman is obese and the man is not. The woman begins by lying on one side as she draws her upper leg upward so that the knee of the upper leg is opposite the hip of her lower leg.

This position makes her vagina readily accessible from slightly above and behind. The man kneels behind her, with one knee on each side of her straight leg, and makes entry from the rear at a slight sideward angle. If necessary, he can raise his body slightly by means of a pillow below each knee.

UPSIDE-DOWN POSITION-

Lying down on your side, turn yourself around so that your partner's head is at your feet, and vice versa. Then shift slowly until your genitals are aligned. This way, you can completely avoid belly-to-belly contact.

T-SQUARE POSITION-

Another effective position is the 'T-square' technique where the woman is on her back with her legs spread wide apart. Her partner lies with his hips under the arch formed by her raised legs. With both abdomens safely out of the way, penis and vagina have a clear field for fun.

X POSITION-

A modified T-square, the X position is when the woman lies on her back with her legs bent at the hips and her thighs spread as wide as possible. After the penis is inserted into the vagina, the woman then brings both legs together, while the man swings his body in either direction 45 degrees, thus forming a large X. The woman should contract the muscles of her vagina during this maneuver to avoid the possibility of the penis slipping out.

STAND AND DELIVER-

Sometimes an obese couple needs to have intercourse at a greater-than ninety degree angle in order to keep their abdomens out of the way. The woman in this position is semi-reclining across the edge of a low bed or a padded table, two chairs supporting the feet, and the man kneeling or standing in front of her. She can also lie face up over the edge of the bed and he can stand or kneel.

When the man is obese and the woman isn't, the man can lie face up over the edge of the bed with his legs together and his feet touching the floor. He can also place a pillow under the small of his back for support. The woman then stands astride him close to the edge of the bed, and thus is able to make contact with his erect penis.

Either way, with one partner standing and the other lying over the edge of the bed, the standing partner has a lot of options for adjusting the angle of approach. The more furniture, the more options.

Rear entry is often facilitated when both partners are standing (the woman can rest her arms and/or torso on the bed).

CHAIR SUPPORT-

Whether both partners are obese or the female is pregnant, this is a good way to have sex. Place two chairs with the seats facing the side of the bed. The woman can then lay on her back with a pillow under her head for support. She then places one foot on each chair allowing her partner to penetrate her by standing up. It may help to place a pillow under her behind if the partner is tall or for a better angle.

ORAL SEX-

It is important to note that sometimes women or men who who feel bad about their overweight bodies may often put themselves in the position of constantly being the giver. This can be seen in cases where oral sex is performed by the overweight partner with low self esteem while they discourage their partner from performing it on them.

Oral sex, like any other sexual act-including the sharing of food-should be an occasion for mutual pleasure, not a means of gaining worth by simply giving and not receiving.

Positioning is not generally a problem in oral sex, although the "69" position is generally quite challenging if not risking suffocation.

ASSISTED INTERCOURSE-

King Edward VII used an adjustable bed (built rather like an examining table) in order to find the best sexual positions to accommodate his own bulk and that of his partners. A certain enormous 17th-century Cardinal is famous for having installed a system of slings and pulleys over his bed so that he could enjoy near-weightless sex with a young mistress. The possibilities appear limited only by one's imagination, one's budget, and one's sense of modesty.

SEXUAL PLAY WITHOUT INTERCOURSE-

One can do amazing things with a properly trained set of fingers. Some men swear that the sensation of having the penis fondled by a woman's breast cleavage is the closest thing to heaven on earth. One thing to keep in mind is that obese women may have "cleavage" or rolls of fat that may provide creative play.




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Donate To Our Holistic Wisdom Legal Aid Support Fund

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.

After learning of the Joanne Web case we decided to start a charity department that will provide adult businesses and individuals like Joanne that need funds to pay for all of the legal costs that come with such ridiculous and unconstitutional legal battles.

ALL proceeds will go to legal assistance to aid individuals that need it and who are involved in the adult businesses that meet our standards.


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Holistic Wisdom
Readers Forum

This section allows our readers to provide feedback regarding articles and topics on our web site. All correspondence from our readers is with their permission. Opinions expressed through our forum are not necessarily our own, but we believe in the freedom of speech and allow for those who wish to be heard an opportunity to express themselves.

To submit your opinions such as the one's shown below eMail us for consideration of publishing it in our next newsletter.

General Comments~

 

 

Hi Lisa,

Thoroughly enjoyed your book (The Art of Female Ejaculation)! I have only met two women in my life that had this ability. I don't want to say it ruined me for the others....but close. Thanks!

 

 

I really enjoyed the article that you did last week on Kegel exercises. I got the pink duotone balls a few days ago after seeing them and I love them! Thanks for all the great information you provide! Keep up the great work!

Cheers!

Kate

 

 

Lisa,

I loved your article on how to female ejaculation. I really had no idea what it was all about until I read it and I wanted to thank you for the great information. I ended up getting your video and both my husband and I watched it to our delight. We tried your techniques and ended up getting the Rabbit Habit, as well as the Hitachi Magic Wand and are eagerly awaiting your Lawless Linens considering how much I ejaculate now!

I also appreciated you taking the time to answer our questions personally when we called. Thank you so much, we are forever your fans!

Most Sincerely,

Kerry

 

 

When I first saw your web site I was really puzzled what sex had to do with a holistic approach. Why the name Holistic Wisdom? Then I took a look around your site and realized why. It is great to see a company like yours teaching all aspects of health and sexual health in such an open and caring manner. Your integrity and brilliance in teaching incredibly useful sex tips are really needed and I personally can testify to benefiting from them myself! I have told all my friends about your site, and have even shown many of them the cool sex toys I have been getting from your site. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Sexual Wisdom
Sex In The News

This section is for sexual current events and news; allowing our web site visitors to hear sex news around the world.


Man Admits Guilt In Removing Genitals


A former church minister and Boy Scout leader cut off another man's genitals in a makeshift gender reassignment surgery in a hotel room. He has pleaded guilty to first-degree assault and practicing medicine without a license.

Jack Wayne Rogers of Fulton, Missouri, admitted he performed the grisly operation about two years ago. Circuit Judge Gary Oxenhandler sentenced Wayne to 17 years in prison for assault and seven years for the illegal surgery. The prison time is to run concurrently with a 30-year sentence handed to him in April after he pleaded guilty to child pornography and obscenity charges.

Wayne had made an agreement with Michael Abercrombie that he'd remove his genitals in a four-hour operation. That time passed, complications developed and bleeding refused to stop. Michael, now known as Madison, says she didn't feel like a victim at first, but changed her mind after prosecutors presented her Wayne's checkered criminal history, peppered with allegations of cannibalism and a pornography collection that included photographs of severed genitals.

"I didn't know his motivation when I went into it,'' she said. ``I was under a lot of emotional stress, and it seemed like there was no alternative.'' Madison must now go through additional surgeries to complete her gender reassignment.

Wayne is still being investigated in the torture and killing of a Skidmore man by the name of Branson Kayne Perry, 20, who disappeared in April 2001. A police search of Wayne's property turned up a necklace belonging to the man. Wayne has denied killing Perry and has not been charged.

 


Women Molested After Giving Birth


Seven women who had just given birth at a Southern California hospital were molested by a lab technician over the course of two days. The women complained that a hospital lab technician groped their breasts or vaginas under the pretext of conducting postpartum examinations in their rooms.

One of the victims said that a lab tech had come in under the guise of coming in to draw blood and basically started talking to her about her medical condition, how she was feeling and that led to a breast examination. In one other case, it led to him doing an actual vaginal examination. One of the women became suspicious and reported the incident to another staff member at Garden Grove Hospital.

 


Hugh Hefner Inducted Into The Erotic Hall Of Fame


The Godfather of Playboy was honored as the first inductee into the Erotic Museum of Hollywood's Hall of Fame for being "one of the most democratizing forces in sexuality in the last century,'' according to the museum. "Hugh Hefner's brand of preened perfection became the standard of beauty for a nation,'' the museum stated on its Web site.

Hefner donated some artifacts to his exhibit, which were unveiled in a ceremony hosted by comedian Bill Maher. The museum has a pair of Hugh's pajamas, slippers, a pipe and a bunny costume.

 


Man Attempts To Sue Wife For 5 Sexless Days


A Spanish
middle-aged man from Seville -- the city of Don Juan and Carmen, tried to have his wife charged with domestic abuse because she refused to have sex with him on five consecutive days. He claims her refusals amounted to "degrading treatment" and domestic abuse, a term used more often to describe wife-battering. The judge tossed the case.

 


Ahh-nold Bans Sex With Corpses


Arnold Schwarzenegger has terminated the rights of necrophiliacs in the California. Starting now, it's officially illegal to have sex with a dead body. The law stems from several cases of necrophilia in the state over the past several years, in which police could not charge the offender with a crime. If you get caught, the new law puts you in the "Big House" for up to 8 years.

 


Low Sperm Count With Frequent Ejaculations


You already knew that. But there's more. According to a study published in Fertility and Sterility by Dr. Elisabeth Carlsen of Copenhagen's Rigshospitalet. Here are some more interesting facts on male ejaculation-

~ Men ejaculate more frequently in the spring than in the winter.

~ The seasons don't lead to changes in sperm count, motility (movement) or shape.

~ Sperm count falls about 29% with two ejaculations a week and falls 41% with
    three ejaculations.

~ Ejaculating frequently doesn't have an effect on motility or shape.

 


Divorce Predictions?


New research shows certain relationship skills or the lack of them can predict whether two people are headed for marital bliss or a painful breakup. The skills that predicted success will come as no surprise to marriage therapists or happily married couples.

The ones who stayed happily married were likely to handle conflict constructively. Even in the midst of a difficult issue in their relationship, they were likely to treat each other with respect. Those headed for divorce were more likely to make negative comments about the relationship or the partner. Couples who ended up divorced viewed each others' communication more negatively. It wasn't that the couples who are happy never undermined or insulted their partners, they just did it less.

The findings are actually good news, because the lack of skills leading up to unhappiness and divorce can be dealt with in counseling.

John F. Kennedy said it best: The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. Attending to our relationships now, today, is essential if we want them to remain strong into the future."

 


16 Year Old Girl Hung For Sex


In the city of Neka in Iran, Atefeh Rajabi was charged and found guilty of "acts incompatible with chastity." The judge in the Islamic court ruled that the appropriate penalty was death. That's right: death. Her sentence was confirmed by Iran's Supreme Court.

On August 15, the 16-year-old girl was hung from a crane in the main square of Neka, in full public view, in order to keep "society safe from acts against public morality".

Sharia law, the Islamic code which is supposed to govern punishments in Iran, states that unmarried people who have sex should be punished with 100 lashes. That was the chastisement meted out to the single man with whom Atefeh was accused of "committing acts incompatible with chastity".

Married women who have sexual relations with someone who is not their husband should, according to Sharia, be stoned to death - although Iran's chief justice, apparently revolted by the cruelty of pelting women with rocks, ruled two years ago that stonings should be abandoned.

Hanging is not prescribed for either category of transgressor. So what was the judge (Haji Rezaie) doing sentencing an "unchaste" 16-year-old to hang? He said that she had a "sharp tongue" and had "undressed in court". It seems that all she did was to take off her headscarf and insist that she was the victim of an older man's advances: but even if she had stripped naked and called the judge a fat ignorant bastard, those actions would hardly merit death, even under Islamic law.

Nevertheless, the judge was so outraged that he decided he would personally put the noose round the child's neck. Amnesty International issued a statement expressing outrage at the execution (the tenth of a child in Iran since 1990) - but no British newspaper or television station has reported this.

What would be headline news if it happened in America (can you imagine the response if a 16-year-old girl was executed for having sex in Texas?) is, because it happens in an Islamic state, apparently it doesn't count.

Atefeh we are sorry that you saw such little humanity in your 16 years of life. May you now have peace and may your judge Haji Rezaie know his karmic duty to learn why what he has done is against all acts of decency.

 


Sexy Offensive Candy Reports A Hoax




 

Remember last week's story about the St. Blasien Jesuit College students who wrote to the manufacturer of Maoam candies about the "the shameless presentation of sexual practices on the wrapping?"

It got a lot of press in Germany. And now it turns out to be a well-executed prank by the very same students at St. Blasien. The publicity was a big PR boost for the candy's manufacturer. As for the students . . . "They never thought anybody in their right mind would take it seriously," said Assistant Headmaster Ralph Mertens.

 


We Like Our Look In Others


According to a study published in the UK's Journal of the Royal Society, you're more likely to respond positively to someone who resembles you. Dr. Lisa DeBruine of Canada's McMaster University showed male and female subjects a variety of faces - some that were computer manipulated to look slightly like them, and others that were not. Both men and women liked the faces that resembled their own. Dr. DeBruine theorizes that we may have evolved to place greater trust in people who look like us because the chances are higher that they share the same genes as we do. By the same token, her research shows that men and women don't respond sexually to faces that resemble theirs. That, suggests Dr. DeBruine, may be because if they share some of our genes, sexually bonding with them could cause inbreeding.

 

 

 

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