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Sex
Jokes
Fun &
Sexy
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New
Sexual Position
After hearing a couple’s complaints that
their intimate life wasn’t what it used to be, a sex counselor
suggests they vary their position.
“You
should try the wheelbarrow,” the counselor says. “Lift her legs
from behind, and off you go.”
The
husband is raring to try it.
“Well, OK,” the hesitant wife agrees, “but on two conditions.
First, if it hurts, you have to stop right away, and second, you
have to promise we won’t go past my parents’ house.”
Erection
Solution
A man having trouble achieving an erection
decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some
herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, “I have placed a
powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just
say ‘one, two, three’ and you’ll get the largest erection you’ve
ever had. After your wife’s been satisfied, simply say ‘one, two,
three, four’ and it will disappear for 12 months.” Later that
night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says
to his wife, “Watch this! One, two, three!” His schlong becomes
larger and stiffer than ever before. His wife is amazed. She smiles
and says, “That’s great! But what did you say ‘one, two, three’
for?”
Peeing
In The Cemetery
Two women go out one weekend without their
husbands. As they came back,just before dawn, both of them drunk,
they felt the urge to pee. They noticed that the only place to
stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided
to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to blot
herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded
them. The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not
getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a nearby
flower wreath. The morning after, the two husbands were talking
to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have
to be on the lookout; it seems that these two were up to no good
last night, my wife came home without her panties..." The other
one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck
to her butt that read, "We will never forget you."
Simple
As 1,2,3
A man having trouble achieving an erection
decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some
herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, “I have placed a
powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just
say ‘one, two, three’ and you’ll get the largest erection you’ve
ever had. After your wife’s been satisfied, simply say ‘one, two,
three, four’ and it will disappear for 12 months.” Later that
night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says
to his wife, “Watch this! One, two, three!” His penis becomes
larger and stiffer than ever before. His wife is amazed. She smiles
and says, “That’s great! But what did you say ‘one, two, three’
for?”
Appointment
In The Morning
One night, as a couple lay down for bed,
the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing
her arm. The wife turns over and says: I'm sorry honey, I've got
a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes
later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he
whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow
too?"
Oh
My...
One night, after a couple had retired for
the night, the wife became aware that her husband was touching
her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across
her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over
her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to
run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach,
and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued
on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His
hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle stroking
then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then
returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman
was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position
herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side
of the bed. "Why are you stopping?" she whispered. He whispered
back, "I found the remote."
The
Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees
a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or
legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this
parrot?"
The
parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy
crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered
me!"
"I
got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent
thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh
yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this, how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"
"Well,"
the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked,
I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You
can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow,"
says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't
you?"
"Actually,
I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable
competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The
guy looks at the $20000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."
"Pssssssst,"
says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants
me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20;
just make the guy an offer!"
The
guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The
parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting,
he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and
he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home
from work and the parrot says, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him
over with one wing.
"I
don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your
wife and the postman."
"What
are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When
the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at
the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well,
then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!"
he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes.
Then he continued taking off the nightie!, got down on his knees
and began to kiss her all over...."
Then
the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
Sex
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Holistic Wisdom Corporation