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Once Upon A Time
Sex Joke

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful princess daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt.

Because of this men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes took the challenge. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas,once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

What was in the prince's pants? M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What were you thinking?

The $200 Bucks
Sex Joke

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?" The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want." So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one." Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks!

She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara, amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over." Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

The Virgin & Her Husbands
Sex Joke

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

Or What?
Sex Joke

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'." "Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'. I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'. So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."

"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

Doing The Laundry
Sex Joke

A young couple got married. On their honeymoon, they were very anxious about having sex because they were both virgins. Because of their sexual inexperience, they were a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so they came up with the term "doing the laundry" to use in place of "having sex."

This made them both more comfortable with the whole concept. Well, the first night of their honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry" 5 times that first night.

In the middle of the night the new husband woke up, and he was ready to do the laundry again. He gently shook his new wife and asked her, "Can we do the laundry again?" but she was very tired. She told him that she just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the morning.

A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't unreasonable, and she decided she should go ahead and "do the laundry" with him again.

She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry again if you want,"He replied, "That's OK It was a small load... I did it by hand."

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