through reality shows, music videos, commercials, movies and
even the news you see extremely superficial aspects of sexuality.
Women as well as men are sex objects. Women in particular
have long been shown this way, and while I am not against
nudity, or displays of sexuality, I am not impressed with
women running around dressing like hookers, waving their asses
in the faces of anyone who will look and then in turn calling
any other women who does this a whore.
is a big difference between a woman who is confident in herself,
who dresses sensually and a woman who is insecure and is desperately
trying to get the attention of any one who will notice her.
This kind of approach to sexuality sends the message that
sex is all about having power and control over others. It
is fear based, it is from insecurity, it is not beautiful
to those who know the difference.
who see the world in black and white make the mistake of thinking
that sexuality can be viewed in two ways... cheap and superficial
or uptight and conservative. This is a dangerous way to view
the world and can lead to all sorts of problems.
Women in a Sexually Superficial Society
For women it
often sets the stage for her to feel that in order to compete for
attention she must dress and act in a manner that focuses completely
on her appearance. Wearing revealing clothes to bragging about sexual
prowess are ways this is accomplished. A big trend now is for young
girls to claim they are bisexual, even if they are not, to seem
sexually edgy in order to attract men.
When you see
women making extremely overt sexual behaviors, the message that
can be interpreted is that they are a piece of meat to be screwed,
and discarded. I am not saying that you can't be sexually overt
because sometimes that is fun and done from a place of confidence
and playfulness... what I am saying is to look at WHY one is doing
We need to move
forward where we experience sexuality from a place of confidence,
not insecurity. Where we express our sensual natures from a more
empowered place within us. We are more than our behinds, breasts
sexuality in a way that commands respect while honoring our integrity
is a much more powerful thing to do anyway. We can exhibit our sensual
beauty through our speech, dress and body language in an empowered
way and make that the norm, rather than focusing only on our skin.
are into one night stands, open or monogamous relationships... you
deserve respect from yourself and others. A woman who knows and
believes this will ensure that she receives it by putting out signals
to the world that she is a sexual goddess with a mind and soul.
Men in a Sexually Superficial Society
Men in our society
are often encouraged (especially by peers) to seek out any kind
of sexual activity no matter what woman it is with or the health
risks involved. They are often encouraged to manipulate others to
get sex and to talk about getting it. They are erroneously taught
that they are valued for their performance, penis size, physique
and ability to get laid.
they are taught to be ashamed of masturbation. Men are not made
aware of prostate massage, the health benefits or pleasure due to
fears of homosexuality. There is no emphasis on embracing their
pleasure as a whole: pleasuring themselves beyond just their penis
or how to develop healthy sexual self esteem with respect for their
bodies or their sexual partner(s).
The Sexually Superficial Path
Both men and
women are being groomed in these situations to see themselves and
their worth as dictated by how they can appeal sexually. These superficial
approaches to sexuality are often demeaning to our sense of self.
When we send out messages that we are wanting to be seen for our
surface sexuality than we will in turn attract people into our lives
that are also preoccupied with all the baggage that comes along
On the other
side of the spectrum, you have ultra conservatives that are repulsed
by many aspects of sexuality and who are more than ready to throw
out what are healthy, educated and empowering forms of sexuality
right along with the dysfunctional.
When this happens
you find that people will repress their sexuality and see all kinds
of problems. You will begin to see increased sexual abuse, rape,
pedophila and a lot of hypocrisy.
example of what happens when sexuality is repressed-
Years ago, Florida
Representative Mark Foley had sent sexual harassing emails to minor,
teenage males while he was the founder and CO-chair of the Congressional
Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus and has played key roles
in recent legislation to protect kids - including the Volunteers
for Children Act, which gives organizations that work with youths
access to FBI fingerprint checks to make sure they don't hire child
are saying how contradicting... but I say how typical. People hate
most in others what they hate in themselves. We must look closely
at people who are in such positions. Often, those who take a moderate
approach are not of concern; it is those who come down hard on issues
in an ultra conservative manner that have the hidden issues. This
is because deep down inside they are yelling loudly on the outside
to either divert people's attention away from their true intentions
and/or to push down what dysfunction is inside them.
We have all
seen it in ministers, priests, politicians and activists who are
overly obnoxious about sexuality. It is of no surprise when you
find out they have been molesting children, raped someone or committed
some other atrocity.
Coming Out of the Confusion
When you are
surrounded with superficial sexuality mixed with damning conservative
views about sexuality, it is no wonder why there are so many confused
and dissatisfied people. I believe we are in need of a sexual revolution.
The following are a few things that should occur in the future as
we evolve and better understand healthy sexuality.
masturbation as a healthy part of our sexuality. Begin in the
early years by teaching children that it is all right for them
to do it in private and that there is no shame in being a sexual
and act in a manner that makes us feel good about ourselves
and invokes our creativity and sensuality. Resist dressing and
acting to gain power over others and instead in a way that empowers
others as we know we should be treating ourselves. Show ourselves
and others love, compassion and respect. Accept that diversity
is a beautiful part of life; it is how we learn from one another
that people have different sexual orientations and that we should
respect that not everyone should be married, have children,
live monogamously or be heterosexual. We must understand that
our view of the world is simply our perspective and what is
comfortable for us, is not necessarily what is comfortable for
others. With the exception of preventing physical, emotional
or mental harm to others, we should not force a fixed agenda
of sexual correctness on others.
must better study pedophiles and provide counseling to prevent
child abuse. We must become more aware of the alarming rate
of sexual assault on children. The government needs to work
with the adult industry not against them to help prevent child
abuse. We must also teach our children about standing up for
their sexual rights and the importance of them keeping people
from violating them.
should refrain from demeaning name calling of others when it
comes to sexuality. Calling people sluts, whores, bitches, pimps,
etc. encourages a superficial sexual environment and black and
must encourage people to explore their sexuality thorough masturbation,
meditation, and sometimes counseling. Learning what pleases,
nurtures and heals us first, will help us to communicate to
our sexual partner(s) what we need mentally, emotionally and
physically to be sexually fulfilled.
need to have frank discussion about sexual health with teenagers.
We need sex education on STD's, prevention and birth control.
Using factual medical information will not cause harm to them.
In fact, it can prevent harm. If moral concerns are present,
then it is up to the parents to have discussions that encourage
a child to do what is right for them based on facts, not fear
should not be prohibited from exploring sexuality through sexual
aids such as lubricants and sex toys. Being creative in the
bedroom allows us to explore ourselves and our pleasure. It
is a gift that we have been given at birth to enjoy our sexuality
and living in a world where we fear our own sexuality denies
us of a basic human right.
should be taught about sex toy and product health risks including
information about toxic materials
used in sex toys.
fetishes and BDSM should not be treated as an unhealthy behavior
when it is done between consenting adults who are able to clearly
and safely communicate.
is acceptable if it follows the following criteria- It is between
consenting adults with no restrictions on ethnicity number of
people involved or sexual orientation and is created, distributed
and packaged in a way that follows not only state and federal
guidelines, but also with the intent that only adults will view
it. It provides safety to its actors or actresses regarding
VD and general safety and encourages viewers to do the same.
need to live in a society that creates laws based on freedom
of religion and from religion when it comes to our sex lives.