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Home » Sexual Resources » Sex Articles » Women

Why Women Fake Orgasms
Causes & Solutions

The truth is that most women have faked an orgasm in their life time, and many women continually do it. You may wonder, as many do, why so many women do this? Below are several reasons. What should be noted is that often the reasons why a woman is feeling the need to fake an orgasm is usually a combination of the reasons listed below-

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

Copyright: Holistic Wisdom- Do NOT Copy Warning

Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.


Not receiving the right stimulation to get them to orgasm.

In this situation, a woman knows how to reach orgasm and does on her own, however, she is unable to reach one with her partner as the partner is not stimulating her in a way that builds her to have an orgasm. To go even further, sometimes women fake orgasms because they don't know how to say "quit doing that!"

What Can Be Done?

A woman and her partner need to communicate about what pleasures her. She needs to express what she desires, as well as become educated with her partner about sexual techniques (intercourse, fingering, oral sex, sex toys, female ejaculation, sex positions and more.) A simple change in position of raising the pelvis to doggy style can assist as well as using a vibrating cock ring during penetration. There are so many possibilities, but the key is to relax, not get fixated on a result and simply enjoy experimentation in learning what will get her there!

 

Insecure about her body.

Most women are insecure about their bodies. It is unfortunately a side effect of a confused culture obsessed with physical beauty and the perfection of it.

What Can Be Done?

While it is quiet difficult due to social expectations these days to expect a woman to really believe that she is supposed to be imperfect... as that what being a human being is, we can encourage women to love themselves as they are whether they are where they want to be or not.

Seeing more than physical beauty and reassuring a woman that she is beautiful to you is important. However, a woman must take responsibility for her own insecurities, surround herself with supportive people, including her partner and if she needs help through therapy for improved body image she should seek it.

 

Experiencing performance anxiety.

It is near impossible to have an orgasm if that is all you are focused on. The whole point of having an orgasm is not to achieve it, but to have pleasure. It defeats the whole point if a woman stresses herself out focusing on the end result instead of enjoying the ride. Having an orgasm is an involuntary response... it would be like trying to sweat on demand... you can't! You have to be doing something that gets your body to respond in that manner and obsessing about it won't get you there.

What Can Be Done?

Using relaxing mood enhancers like scented candles, relaxing music, hot baths, and other things that bring you to the place of surrender is a great way to begin. However, the main issue here is to make sure that both you and your partner enjoy your time whether you have an orgasm or not, and allow for times, when you don't without it being perceived as a failure. It is not failure when you have enjoyed yourself. Sometimes it is all right just to have a snack rather than a full meal. So enjoy the moment, allow yourself to be creative, relaxed and focus on pleasure... not performance.

 

Has emotional or physical trauma that creates psychological blocks.

One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. In some countries that statistic is even higher. With such a high rate of rape or assault whether as a child or adult... women are struggling with such issues everywhere. The stigma, shame and anger that female victims feel is not their problem to deal with alone; it is our world's problem. It is the responsibility of all to ensure that a safe and nurturing environment be provided to everyone, and that anyone who has been raped or assaulted be treated with respect, compassion and love.

What Can Be Done?

There are many ways that one can deal with such issues, below is a link to an article with resources that you may find helpful on the subject. Again, a woman must take responsibility for her own issues, surround herself with supportive people, including her partner and if she needs professional support, she should seek it.

Read more about sexual abuse and trauma.

 

Has physical complications that prevent orgasm.

All women should be able to have an orgasm, however some woman may find that usage of birth control pills, antidepressants or an injury or illness is inhibiting her sex drive and response.

What Can Be Done?

If there is suspicion that it could be a physical issue, such as nerve damage or other complication from an injury or illness, she should speak with her OBGYN about it to better understand the physical aspects and treatment options.

Read more on female sexual dysfunction.

 

Is uneducated about her own body and does not know how to reach orgasm.

You probably would not believe the mass number of questions that we get from confused men and women about their sexuality. From basic physical responses to ethical approaches to sexuality, we have heard it all. Ultimately we all have to take responsibility and understand that when it comes to our health, including our sexual health, we can only be empowered through education.

What Can Be Done?

Learn from our site, read sex education books, watch better sex videos, communicate with your partner and experiment through masturbation to better know how your own body reacts before experimenting with a partner.

 

Is afraid to tell their partner how to give them an orgasm.

It never fails to amaze me how often women feel embarrassed to tell their partner what rocks their world. The fear often comes with the concern that her partner will mistake her for bossy, or that she will be perceived as implying that her lover is a poor one.

What Can Be Done?

We all need to understand that unless we communicate our needs, we get what we settle for... we must take responsibility by being true to ourselves and expressing what is enjoyable to us. If we don't look out for ourselves when it comes to nurturing ourselves and keeping our best interests in mind... who will?

It is important to convey our needs by using proactive statements that do not insult someone or disrespect them, while letting someone know what we desire. Saying something like- "You know what I would love to try," or "The other night when you were doing ___, I was so turned on, can you do that while doing ___, because I think I will explode in ecstasy!" These statements allow a lover to receive direction without feeling criticized or compared to a former lover.

 

Thinks sexual gratification is dirty and wrong for herself, or struggles with general feelings of shame and guilt.

Well, thanks to a few uptight religious right folks, we have Puritan values that simply don't respect the fact that we are beautiful, whole beings that have a normal and natural sexual nature that should be honored.

What Can Be Done?

It is certainly challenging to overcome such oppressive views, even when we know they are incorrect. Using things like behavior modification techniques, openly discussing our inhibitions with a trusted companion and even working on such issues through such healing modalities as Gestalt therapy, acupuncture, massage, sex therapy and other opportunities can be a great healing journey!

 

Feels her partner's needs sexually and psychologically are more important than her own.

Women are often taught that their needs should come last and that her partner, her children, her career, etc. should all come before her. Problem with this is that a woman will begin to become depleted and then often struggle with feeling like she is struggling to find the energy to be sexual. Remember the passion in the beginning of a relationship? If you don't nurture yourself in addition to the relationship (including your sexual needs) your passion will undoubtedly fizzle.

What Can Be Done?

Say you have a pitcher of water and you keep serving everyone else without taking some for yourself... let me assure you that you won't be able won't be able to keep serving others well. It is important to put yourself first so that you can put the energy that you desire back into your life. Doing things that rejuvenate your spirit are key and should be done on a regular basis that are through appointments that you simply don't break.

Communicate your sexual needs and make sure you have your own sexual adventures through masturbation as well as having your partner try new techniques and toys on you! The most beautiful and evolved people are people who really live life, not those who are slaves to it or their inhibitions.

 

The relationship is struggling with emotional conflicts and is playing out in the bedroom.

Sexuality will most often be affected when a relationship is struggling. From poor sexual performance to lack of desire, many women struggle to enjoy or want sex when things are tense outside of the bedroom.

What Can Be Done?

Take care of the conflicts outside of the bedroom, through communication to first identify the core struggles and then work with your partner to create solutions. This may include the need for a book on relationship assistance to seeking out a professional therapist to assist you in working through conflicts. Once you address the conflicts outside the bedroom, you can then address any conflicts that were resulting from it in the bedroom.

 

The desire to have simultaneous orgasm with her partner during penetration, when only 30% of women climax from g-spot orgasms alone makes this goal challenging.

Many women do not realize that it is uncommon for women to orgasm during intercourse. Many women fear that they are abnormal, or that if their partner knew that they were not bringing her to orgasm that they would feel inadequate.

One gentlemen asked me if it was because of penis size. My reply surprised him... no, it is the angle. Surprisingly, it is not as much about the width or length of a penis that makes for a great g-spot orgasm, it is how much pressure is placed on the g-spot. This can be affected by how her vagina fits to his penis (how she is shaped inside and how he is shaped/curved). It can also be affected though position and knowledge about stimulating the g-spot.

However, in regard to penis size... this is a myth... as most g-spot stimulators are the size of a finger or two and are highly effective. In fact, most women experience g-spot orgasms from finger and sex toy stimulation because the angle and pressure is easier to control!

Suggested Articles On What Can Be Done?

Sexual Positions

Using Pillows & Wedges

Learn What Is The G-Spot?

Vaginal Intercourse

How To Give A Woman An Orgasm

What Is The G-Spot?
Female Orgasms

Vaginal Intercourse

Kegel Exercises

Cunnilingus

Fingering

 

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