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Sex & Insomnia

Dr. Lisa Lawless

Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert

Funny Banana Puppets, Sex & Insomnia

How Sex Is Impacted By Insomnia

Sexual desire and performance can be dramatically affected by lack of sleep. Insomnia is a very common cause of low sex drive, sexual dysfunction, and studies have shown that it leads to a much higher risk of erectile dysfunction (ED) and female sexual dysfunction. Insomnia can increase anxiety and affects the amygdala, which is the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotions. Thus, because people can feel more stressed, frustrated, or withdrawn, and likely impact their mood and desire for sex.

Women Need More Sleep Than Men

Women need about 20 minutes to 2 hours more sleep than men because of hormones regulated by the adrenal glands, as well as testosterone levels. Having less sleep can cause an increase in menstrual symptoms, as well as contribute to health issues such as a higher risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Because of this, women need more sleep to aid with vitality and bodily repair.

Symptoms Of Insomnia

There are many causes of insomnia. If you struggle with it or know someone who does, here are some valuable tips on managing it. Some of the symptoms of insomnia are:

  • An over-active mind which causes difficulty falling asleep
  • Nervousness and restlessness
  • Nightmares once asleep that wake you up
  • Irritability and mood swings
  • Pain
  • Excess caffeine
  • Alcohol, drugs
  • Food allergies
  • Sleeping in an uncomfortable environment

Sleep Medications

There are many conflicting reports about taking sleeping medications. A study indicated that 50 percent of people who take sleeping pills for insomnia find that the condition worsens. If you have a great deal of difficulty, it may be helpful to go to a sleep clinic to determine the cause and solutions.

REM Vs. NREM

About 80 percent of our sleep is NREM (non-rapid eye movement), and 20 percent is REM (rapid eye movement). If you feel tired most of the time, it is probably because you have not had enough REM sleep. If you have problems with your memory, you probably have not had adequate REM sleep.

Nutritional Deficiencies

It is reported that 80% of people who say they are tired often get sufficient sleep. The problem may lie in nutritional deficiencies, which can be cleared up by taking a good multivitamin and mineral supplement while improving their diet. Exercise is also reported to assist those with fatigue problems regardless of whether the fatigue is caused by lack of sleep or a general sense of fatigue. See our helpful Nutrition Guide for Good Sex & Health for helpful suggestions.

Anxiety

If you find that you are struggling with insomnia and believe it to be due to an emotionally stressful event in your life, or if you are struggling with anxiety or depression, you may want to look into getting counseling to work through it. Stress levels for many people have increased due to COVID and political stress so people are having an even more difficult time sleeping. Getting help may be just what you have needed to deal with the emotional stressors in your life.

Sleep Apnea

Sleep apnea comes in three different types: central, obstructive, and complex. The most common obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) is often affiliated with excess weight, larger neck circumference, narrowed airway, aging, family history, use of drugs or alcohol, and smoking. If you have symptoms such as loud snoring, stopping breathing while sleeping, gasping for air during sleep, waking up with a parched mouth, morning headaches, insomnia, daytime sleepiness (hypersomnia), or difficulty focusing during the day, you may want to be further evaluated by a physician to see if you need a CPAP machine.

Alternative Insomnia Ideas

Chinese Herbalism

  • Wild Jujube
  • Fleeceflower
  • Hoelen


Herbalism

  • A warm bath with an infusion of chamomile, catnip, lavender, or lime flowers.
  • A cup of warm tea: chamomile or blends such as Celestial Seasonings Sleepy Time or Tension Tamer Teas.
  • Make a small lavender-filled pillow to sleep near.


Aromatherapy

You can use essential oils in the bath, on skin mixed with a light carrier oil, or apply a few drops to your handkerchief to put on your pillow. See our Aromatherapy Guide for more helpful information.

  • Chamomile
  • Marjoram
  • Lavender
  • Clary Sage
  • Rose
  • Neroli


Flower Essences

Below are flower essences for insomnia. Also see our guide: Flower Essences & Sex.

  • White Chestnut for worrisome thoughts & mental arguments.
  • Scleranthus for indecisiveness.
  • Vervain, Vine, Elm, Beech, or Impatiens for stress, strain, frustration, and an inability to relax.


Vitamins & Minerals

  • Vitamins B
  • Vitamin C
  • Folic Acid
  • Zinc
  • Calcium


Acupuncture

Acupuncture has been used to help decrease stress, increase relaxation and promote sleep. Treatments may also increase the release of natural melatonin in the body, which is also known to help improve sleep. For more information, please see our helpful guide: Sex & Acupuncture.


Massage

Massage is a healthy and drug-free option to help people sleep and overcome insomnia. Massage can increase serotonin, which can boost natural melatonin in the body. This can positively affect a person's circadian rhythm and aid with sleep. See our Sensual Massage Techniques for more helpful information.

In Closing

In addition, to alternative approaches, one thing you can try doing to have a better night's sleep is having sex or masturbating to achieve orgasm. Sexual activity before bedtime can increase oxytocin and reduce cortisol (a stress-related hormone). This can help reduce insomnia symptoms and help to reduce sleep disruptions.

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