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Tips for Sensual Massage
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The first thing that you will want to do when it comes to erotic massage is to create a sensual mood. The room should be warm and inviting with a pleasant aroma. You can achieve this through scented candles, scented massage oils and even incense depending on your tastes. The massage should start out in very relaxing manner with sex being on the back burner at first. As desire starts in the mind, the best way to create that is to first relax your mind and body with your special someone. Moving from a soothing massage and advancing into a more sensual is what we shall explore in this article.

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

Copyright: Holistic Wisdom- Do NOT Copy Warning

Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.

Sensual Music

Put on some of your favorite sensual music to create the mood. Have the volume at a moderate level as loud music can overwhelm the senses. You want the music to be in the background, not the main event.

Massage Tools

Have your partner start by laying on their stomach. Working the back is a good way to create a sense of relaxation. You may want to roll a towel up and put it into a C shape so they can put their head straight down instead of to the side. However, two pillows can also have a similar affect if they put their head in-between them so they can still breathe. Whatever is most comfortable for them is what is most important. You should also put a pillow under their feet. Raising them helps to take strain off the back in that position. Have your tools ready so you do not need to interrupt the massage. You can use vibrating wands to other types of massagers to help reduce your own fatigue or straining while performing the massage. You can also use feathers, fake fur and an eye pillow or blind fold to help them feel even more relaxed. It can also add to arousal as it helps them to focus on just the sensations of the massage.


Lubricants and massage oils are excellent to have on hand. You can also use lotions as well. Keep in mind that with sensual massage that if you are going to be using vibrators or condoms that oil based products may be destructive to those products. It is recommended that you use a water based lubricant if you should massage the genital area so as to not cause any product damage or health issues. Women in particular should avoid having oil based lubricants used to ensure that they do not develop vaginal infections.

How to Choose Lubricant

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Good Communication

Having good communication throughout the massage is important. You can do this by simply asking them if something feels good and if the pressure is too hard or soft. Do this more often early on during the massage. so that you can get a feel for the general level of pressure they desire. As you massage, you may come across tender aches and pains. Let them know that if at any point during the massage you hit a sore spot to let you know so that you can be more gentle in that area.

One of the most relaxing forms of massage is the style of Swedish massage which incorporates a smooth but firm movement that flows across the skin. Remember, this is not sports medicine, you are not working out all the kinks and doing a massage where you have to remind them to breathe through the pain. If that is what they need, then do not start with an erotic massage, rather a therapeutic one. Sensual massages should be about pleasure and that is why your goal is to help them relax and feel good during this time. Using long, gliding strokes with your hands, forearms and even with your feet can feel fantastic.


One of the best tips for doing massage well is how to keep your hands and arms from getting tired. One of the ways that people tend to ruin a nice long massage is by turning it into a short one because their hands get tired and sore. Use your fingers in limited ways. Start off by simply and lightly running your hands over their back and getting the massage oil or lotion on them. Then use your forearms as you lean over them using the pressure of your body weight, not your muscular effort, to apply pressure. Obviously you may not want to use all of your body weight unless you are very petite, so just lean forward and glide over them with your arms and hands flat. You can also use your knuckles and of course your feet.

If you decide to use your feet, the best way to do this is to have your partner start off by laying on one side horizontally at the foot of the bed facing the end of the bed. Have them put a pillow in-between their knees and under their head so they are in a comfortable position and have all pressure off their spine. Then prop pillows up behind you against the headboard and sit back so that you are sitting upward with your feet able to now push against them. Glide your feet along their back, using your entire foot, balls of your feet and heels. Go lightly as your legs have a lot of power and you want to be sure not to hurt them. You will find that this allows them great pleasure while providing little strain on you. This position is called the T-bone as you and your partner look like an upside down T on the bed. When you have finished with one side have them change positions and do the other side.

Once you are done with their back side, you can move to the front and work on their chest, stomach and legs. Saving the genitals for last is often a good idea. Once you move to the genitals you can start with smooth long strokes that are light and teasing and then turn it into more firm strokes as their arousal progresses. Gazing into one another's eyes if they have not opted for an eye pillow or blindfold is a nice way to experience intimacy at this time.

Keeping Everything Easy & Oil Free

If you are using massage oil, lubricant or lotion than you may find that you are going to be getting messy. Which is great, because often great sensual experiences are messy! However, to avoid having to spend a great deal of time washing your sheets and having to put new ones on your bed (not to mention the staining that oils can do); we highly recommend a waterproof throw. This is a blanket that has a waterproof core at the center with a soft comfortable side and a smooth and sensual side. Check out our throws to the right and see the many patterns and colors they come in. By using this you can keep you sheets clean. If you do not have the budget for one, you can also use a cheap shower curtain or cut up garbage bag with a blanket on top that can easily be cleaned.

Waterproof Throws
Brand New For
Protecting Your Sheets

Massage For For Men

One thing that you may want to consider if you are both going to give one another a massage (and you are a heterosexual couple), the woman should go first unless you are not going to have him climax at the end of his massage or he is able to regain an erection quickly so that he can be aroused when he gives her a massage and make the experience more enticing.

The best way to do genital massage on a man is to move with smooth, long strokes. Remember that the massage in order to be relaxing should not bring him to climax quickly. Therefore, you should keep a teasing and light stroking at first and then a gradual strengthening. When and if you desire a climax you can move more quickly. Holding the base of the shaft with one hand while letting your fingers go around his testicles, take your other hand and encircle the head of his penis and move it up and down. You can also take one of your finger tips past his testicles and press against his anus for full stimulation.

One thing to keep in mind is that you can work a man close to orgasm and slow down enough where he does not. This is called peaking him which is where you keep taking him from almost peaking, but not getting him quite there. Ultimately he should be allowed to ejaculate... you don't want to leave him with blue balls.

As men are very stimulated by visual moments one thing you can do is to wear sexy lingerie while doing the massage and let him see you enjoying touching him. You can also throw in some sex talk as you do it.

Make sure to note that you can also massage a man when he is flaccid and it will still feel good. Just make sure to communicate and find out how hard or soft he likes it when he is in that state.

Suggested Genital Massage Strokes

Sliding Glide

Cup the testicles with one hand and have his penis rest on his abdomen. Then with the heel of the other hand, glide up and down the penis all the way up to the tip and repeat.

Double Slide Glide

Stroke his penis with your hand from the top down and then release as your other hand repeats the same motion over and over.

Teaser Glide

Lightly run your fingers over and around the penis as it lays against his abdomen. After doing this for about 15 seconds take it fully in your hand and slide up and down three times and then repeat.

Deep Glide

While massaging the penis at the head, stimulate his prostate either through the rectum of in-between the testicles and his anus with pressure up against him. Wait until the end of this massage as typically this will bring on an orgasm.

Also see our Hand Job article for more techniques.


For Women

As women's sexual responses are more varied than men, let us first review those factors-

Women tend to have their arousal states tied to their emotions, so feeling appreciated and desired is important. She will also need to feel relaxed and starting a massage with the focus on relaxation is a good way to go.

You will want to stimulate sexually through either nipples, clitoris and gspot. It is rare that many women prefer anal stimulation for a massage as they do not have the prostate to give them the same stimulation that men receive there. You can always discuss this with her before the massage if she might want to focus on one or more of those areas if you are unsure.
As many women tend to build sexual arousal more slowly than men, the massage may need to be more focused on relaxing and letting go and then building into the sexual stimulation slowly.

As women can have multiple orgasms, she can always be stimulated over and over.

The main difference with men and women on sensual massages is that typically with a woman you are having to try to achieve a heightened arousal while with men you are trying to keep them from going too far too soon.

Suggested Genital Massage Strokes

Woman vary in their tastes for which to stimulate first. However, a good rule of thumb is clitoral and than gspot not the other way around. You can use fingering techniques for her genital massage from our fingering her guide.


Vibrators are heavenly and most women are open to using them. They allow arousal levels to be reached much more quickly as they stimulate through increased blood flow to the area that they are applied such as nipples, clitoris and gspot. Men can also use vibrators around their penis and on nipples. They can also use prostate massagers which not only feel great but reduce their risk of prostate cancer when prostate massage is performed.


After massages, it can be nice to mutually caress one another and talk about your favorite parts of your experience. You can also discuss creative things you want to try next time and even just do some soul gazing into one another's eyes for intimacy.

Vibrators are a wonderful
way to relax. Make sure
to see our Hitachi Magic
.... wonderful!
How To Choose A Vibe

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