Sexual Quotations
Sexy, Funny, Romantic & Inspirational

Enjoy a variety of inspiring, funny and romantic quotations from famous authors, celebrities and every day people.

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You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither.
-Steve Martin

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."
- Thomas Merton from the book No Man is an Island

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."
- Mignon McLaughlin

"A woman without having tried a vibrator is like a man never having known the thrill of a fast car."
- Anonymous

"An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets."
- Unknown

"The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it."
- Truman Capote

"Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex."
- Geoff Spear

"An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex."
- Aldous Huxley

"We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time."
- Arthur Hoppe

"If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter."
- George Carlin

"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
- Emo Philips

"There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex."
- Billy Joel

"The tragedy of sexual intercourse is the perpetual virginity of the soul."
- William B. Yeats

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. "
- Unknown

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
- Woody Allen

"I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce."
- J. Edgar Hoover

"An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets."
- Author Unknown

"I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. "
- Author Unknown

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
- George Burns

"Playboy was founded on the notion that nice girls like sex too."
- Hugh Hefner

"Sex without love is merely healthy exercise."
- Robert Heinlein

"Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa."
- Dorothy Parker

"To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it."
- Cary Grant

"My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one."
- Bob Hope

"Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world."
- Karl Kraus

"The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it."
- Truman Capote

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
- Woody Allen

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
- Woody Allen

"My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."
- Les Dawson

"Nothing risqué, nothing gained"
- Alexander Woollcott

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
- Woody Allen

"A dirty book is rarely dusty."
- Unknown

“Nobody dies from lack of sex. It's lack of love we die from."
- Unknown

“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them."
- Unknown

"Instruction in sex is as important as instruction in food; yet not only are our adolescents not taught the physiology of sex, but never warned that the strongest sexual attraction may exist between persons so incompatible in tastes and capacities that they could not endure living together for a week much less a lifetime."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
- Woody Allen

"No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens."
- Abraham Lincoln

"Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got."
- Sophia Loren

"Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh everyday, ah, now that's a real treat."
- Joanne Woodward

"I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's."
- Woody Allen

"I stopped getting the girl about ten years ago. Which is just as well because I'd forgotten what I wanted her for."
- John Wayne

"When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better."
- Mae West

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
- Woody Allen

"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation."
- Lily Tomlin

"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!"
-George Bernard Shaw

"Playboy was founded on the notion that nice girls like sex too."
-Hugh Hefner

"To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals."
-Don Schrader

"Playboy exploits sex the way Sports Illustrated exploits sports."
-Hugh Hefner

"We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition."
-Alex Comfort

"The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes."
-Scott Roeben

"Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. "
-Robert Byrne

"I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me."

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
-George Burns

"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing."
- Charles Bukowski

"Transcending your sexuality To become more spiritual is An Enlightenment illusion. When God touches your Heart, Your sexuality is awakened. Your body lights up and Your life lightens up."
- Peter Rengel

"Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex."
-Havelock Ellis

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
- Camille Paglia

"If most men and women were forced to rely upon physical charm to attract lovers, their sexual lives would be not only meager but in a youth-worshiping country like America, painfully brief. "
- Gore Vidal

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
- Billy Crystal

I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults."
- Gore Vidal

"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."

"It is not true that sex degrades women... if it is any good."
-Alan Partridge

"Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, you probably won't either. "

"I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax."
-Scott Roeben

"It still strikes me as strange that anyone can have any moral objection to someone else's sexuality. It's like telling someone else how to clean their house."
-River Phoenix

"In the nineteenth century masturbation was a disease; in the twentieth, it is a cure."

"During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else."
-Richard Lewis

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
-Woody Allen

"Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing."
-Phyllis Diller

"Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex."
-Geoff Spear

"The quality of love and the duration of a relationship are in direct proportion to the depth of the commitment by both people to making the relationship successful. Commit yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally to the most important people in your life."
-Brian Tracy

"Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help. "
- Jay Leno

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."
-Bob Rubin

"Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love."
-Woody Allen

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
-Butch Hancock

"Today's sexual culture is like showing one commercial after another of hot cars and never teaching anyone how to drive!"
- Lisa S. Lawless, Holistic Wisdom, Inc. Founder

"Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill. "
- Henry Louis Mencken

"Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection."
-Author Unknown

"How lucky we are that we can reach our genitals instead of that spot on our back that itches."
- Flash Rosenberg

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
- Matt Groening

"When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psychotic. "
- Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex In The City

"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex."
-Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts: Saturday Night Live - NBC

"Sex is emotion in motion."
-Mae West

"I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof] I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie."

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
-Barbara DeAngelis

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it."
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression."
-Faye Wattleton

"My brain is my second favorite organ."
-Woody Allen

"No one has ever died from an overdose of pornography."
- J. Money and P. Tucker

"The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit."
- Nytwind

"Sex is dirty only if it's done right."
- Woody Allen

"Love knows not it's own depth until the moment of separation."

"It is bad enough that people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance."
-Elizabeth Taylor

"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."
-Woody Allen

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-Robert De Niro

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
-The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LA

"Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help."
-Jay Leno

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
- Dustin Hoffman

"The highest political buzz word is not liberty, equality, fraternity or solidarity; it is service."
-Arthur Hugh Clough 1819-1861, British Poet

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love."
-Mother Teresa

"We are all full of weakness and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies it is the first law of nature."
-Voltaire 1694-1778, French Historian, Writer

"Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
-Franklin P. Jones

"Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it."
-Dr. Karl Menninger

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."
- Paul Tournier


Inspirational Quotations

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
- Stephen Chbosky

"The great arrogance of the present is to forget the intelligence of the past."
- Ken Burns

"You have to create the quiet to be able to listen to the very faint voice of your intuition."
- Jon Favreau

"Each and every one of you has the power, the will and the capacity to make a difference in the world in which you live in. You should go through life knowing, I am somebody."
- Harry Belafonte

"There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; my philosophy is kindness."
- The Dalai Lama

"I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."
-Henry Drummond, British Clergyman

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend".
- Martin Luther King Jr.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
-Mother Teresa

" Does our ferocity not derive from the fact that our instincts are all too interested in other people? If we attended more to ourselves and became the center, the object of our murderous inclinations, the sum of our intolerances would diminish."
- E. M. Cioran 1911, Rumanian-born French Philosopher

"At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

"Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."
- Martin Luther King Jr.

"An unjust law is itself a species of violence. Arrest for its breach is more so."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"Useless laws weaken the necessary laws."
- Charles De Montesquieu, 1689-1755, French Jurist, Political Philosopher

"Laws and institutions, like clocks, must occasionally be cleaned, wound up, and set to true time."
- Henry Ward Beecher, 1813-1887, American Preacher, Orator, Writer

"Bad laws are the worst form of tyranny."
- Edmund Burke, 1729-1797, British Political Writer, Statesman

"To sit in judgment of those things which you perceive to be wrong or imperfect is to be one more person who is part of judgment, evil or imperfection."
- Wayne Dyer, American Psychotherapist, Author, Lecturer

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
- Wayne Dyer, American Psychotherapist, Author, Lecturer

"Those that judge do so using that which is most hated within themselves."
- Lisa S. Lawless, Holistic Wisdom, Inc. Founder

"Whatever affiliations and beliefs you have, if you get into name calling, you have nothing of worth to offer through your speech. Solid and valuable insights stand on their own. When you use derogatory words to attack anyone then you are acting as nothing less than a bully. Have more integrity than that, be the positive change you wish to see in the world by being educated and letting your ideas stand on their own and then and only then will your convictions provide the potential of the empowerment that you intend for those who hear them."
- Lisa S. Lawless, Holistic Wisdom, Inc. Founder


"Unconditional love and compassion are the most challenging of all emotions to demonstrate when we are confronted by our enemies. They are, however, the most powerful, as vulnerability is the definition of courage particularly when we are faced with adversity."
- Lisa S. Lawless, Holistic Wisdom, Inc. Founder


"If you inspire hatred and violence in others you are responsible for how your speech negatively impacts people just in the same way that positive speech inspires people to be better more loving and successful individuals. Have you not seen and agreed with people who thank those who inspired them to do something great and give them credit for that wonderful and positive influence that motivated and drove them to accomplish great things? Well, my friends, the same applies to those that inspire hatred, bigotry, racism and violence. Be the loving and compassionate force that you wish to see in the world. Our words, not just our behavior, matter."
- Lisa S. Lawless, Holistic Wisdom Founder


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