BDSM Toys & Role Play

What Is BDSM?

You may already be familiar with BDSM through the popular book and movie series Fifty Shades. However, before we cover what BDSM sex toys are available, let's first review what BDSM is and different practices within it. BDSM stands for: bondage/discipline, submission/dominance. It can involve sex, but it does not have to; in some cases, there may be no physical contact. There are various themes in BDSM, such as pain, suspense, humiliation, and doing something taboo.

BDSM can be whatever you want to make it and at any intensity you prefer, but everything is always done with consent. The basics are bondage and discipline, which usually involve someone being restrained. Submission and dominance refer to a sub (or bottom) who permits the dom (or top) to have control. This can last for as long as you like with just an hour of play or extend to days.

Sadism & Masochism

Sadism is the enjoyment of inflicting pain, while masochism is the enjoyment of receiving pain. If you like both, that's called sadomasochism.

BDSM Terminology

These are just a few of the many BDSM terms that describe BDSM roleplay:

Aftercare

This occurs after BDSM play (post-scene ritual) to help both a dominant and submissive check in with one another and wrap up.

Breath Control Play

This is the restriction of oxygen to increase pleasure through light choking or asphyxiation. Please see our Erotic Asphyxiation: Breath Play article for more information on this.

Chastity Denial

This is the denial of sex or masturbation by the dominant. Sometimes chastity cages or belts are used to ensure adhering to the restriction.

Collared Or Collaring

Collars are worn to indicate the status of a submissive. It is to demonstrate the belonging of the submissive to the dominant.

Cuckold or Cuckolding

A masculine person who enjoys watching their feminine partner perform acts with another person (usually masculine) in front of them. See our Sex & Open Relationships for more information on this topic.

Dom, Domme, or Dominant

The partner who leads the power dynamic within a BDSM scene.

Edgeplay or Edging

Bringing a partner to the brink of orgasm but not letting them climax.

Hard Limits

Absolute boundaries and limitations that are not negotiable.

Playspace

A designated area for roleplaying via BDSM (also called a scene).

Risk-Aware

Formerly referred to as "safe, sane, consensual (SSC)," this is the acknowledgment by the consenting participants of the physical, mental and emotional risks involved in participating in BDSM.

Safeword

This is a word that indicates the end of BDSM play.

Sub, Submissive

The partner who follows and is submissive to the power dynamic within a BDSM scene.

Switch

This applies to a partner who can switch from dominant to submissive and vice versa.

Topping From The Bottom

This is when a submissive tells the dominant what to do to them.

Vanilla

Non-kink or BDSM sexual activity.

BDSM Rules

• Refrain from using drugs or alcohol that may lower one's ability to provide consent or make healthy choices.
  
  
• Discuss BDSM play beforehand, outlining rules and expectations.
  
  
• Start slow, and provide feedback to your partner through communication. Give and get consent throughout asking if things feel good or ok.
  
  
• If you experiment with ball gags or other means of restricting a partner's speaking ability, have physical signals that they can give to indicate a safe word alternative.
  
  
• End play with aftercare, where you process how things went and wind down together through clean-up, cuddling, reflection.

Fetishes Or Kinks & BDSM

A fetish (kink) is a sexual desire where there is gratification around something not typically associated with sexuality and can be linked to specific body parts, such as feet, clothing, objects, and more. Fetishes can fall under the BDSM umbrella but are not necessarily related.

The overlap theory of the brain is based on how your brain links the area of the brain's pleasure centers through neurotransmitters that connect to another part of the brain. For example, the location of the brain associated with feet is close to the brain's pleasure center. It is theorized that sometimes neurotransmitters can be linked between those two parts of the brain, creating a sense of pleasure around feet. Hence, a foot fetish (podophilia) would result. Another example is that a kink can chemically connect pleasure with pain or fear through serotonin and dopamine, which are released into the spinal cord and brain during pain-induced BDSM scenes.

In addition, psychological connections can be created through conditioning which is a psychology-based BDSM technique. It can take the form of Classical/Pavlovian conditioning (an involuntary response such as salivating) or Operant/Instrumental conditioning (a voluntary response associated with a consequence).

BDSM Sex Toys & Gear

Waterproof Throws

These waterproof throws provide a soft yet protective waterproof area to play on without worrying that you will get lubricants, massage oils, and body secretions on sheets or furniture.

BDSM Sex Pillows

These BDSM sex pillows provide physical support as well as creativity when it comes to sexual positions. The BDSM sex pillow has restraints already built-in.

Blindfolds

Sexual Blindfolds restrict one sense; the others can become stronger and allow for feelings of anticipation, suspense, and submission to your partner.

Collars & Chokers

These can allow the wearer to feel connected to the dominant and be led around if the collar has a lead loop. It can encompass the neck and further restrict movement and mobility for a sense of submission.

Nipple Clamps & Labia & Clitoral Clamps

Clamps pinch the skin to restrict circulation, creating pain with a pulling, squeezing sensation. When they are pulled, twisted they can create painful feelings, and when they are taken off, and the blood rushes back into the area, it can create a radiating sensation of pain.

Impact Toys: Floggers, Paddles, Canes & Whips

Impact Toys can be used lightly with mild stimulation and using the sounds they make for added sexual arousal. They can also be used to make painful contact with the skin. Practicing on a pillow or your hand before using it on a partner is a good idea to get a sense of the force of each toy.

A flogger has a handle with many tails at the end that create stinging sensations. Paddles pretty much look like ping-pong paddles for force impacts. An impact cane is very thin and made from wood for stinging sensations. Whips require a great deal of practice to learn how to use; they are not typically for beginners. They can create stinging sensations, slashes, and bruises on the body.

Restraints

Restraints can include rope, bondage tape, binders (handcuffs and legcuffs), shackles, spreader bars, and yokes (restraint sets).

• Rope is quite versatile; there are soft bondage ropes available for comfort on the skin. There are also many knot tying options that can allow for creative positioning and restraint.
  
  
• Binders can be handcuffs and legcuffs, but there are also full-sleeve and leg binders as well. They are used to immobilize a submissive completely.
  
  
• Bondage tape typically does not use adhesive; rather, it is plastic that wraps around wrists, ankles, etc., to bind. If you use tape with adhesive, take care to avoid flames from candles as they are highly flammable.
  
  
• Shackles typically involve wrist or ankle cuffs with a metal chain between them and are used for restraint while allowing the submissive to have some mobility.
  
  
• Spreader Bars are literal bars with wrist or ankle cuffs on each end. They allow for restraint and can be used by the dominant to flip a submissive into different positions more easily.
  
  
• Yokes are cuffs that are connected to the neck. They can come in restraint sets that combine neck, wrists, waist, and ankles. 

Electrostimulation, Estim Sex Toys

Electro sex toys are sex toys that provide an electrical current that can provide mild to intense stimulation depending on the setting. Learn more about it through our Electrostimulation Sex Toy Guide.

In Closing

These are just a few of the primary considerations and sexual products that encompass the world of BDSM. There are more extreme and in-depth BDSM role-playing exercises and products; however, for health and safety, we only provide beginner BDSM products for this type of role-playing. If you are interested in BDSM stories, we have several in our Erotic Stories section.