Crying During Or After Sex

Why People Cry

It is quite common for people to cry during sexual activity, and there is a scientific reason this occurs. It is called postcoital dysphoria (PCD). It is caused by chemical reactions in the brain that evoke feelings of vulnerability, love, boding, sadness, and other emotions.

For PCD to occur, an orgasm is unnecessary, and it can happen to anyone, no matter your gender or sexual orientation. Studies show that it is more prevalent in heterosexual females. This is partly due to the chemical reactions occurring in the brain from sexual stimulation. During an orgasm, you secrete more oxytocin, a hormone that elicits feelings of love, social bonding, and well-being. You also experience an increase in dopamine which creates intense feelings of being rewarded and a natural high in the brain. These chemical responses can intensify the feelings during and after sex.

Other reasons we experience emotions during sexual stimulation are happiness, feeling overwhelmed by the experience or your body's response, biological responses, pain, anxiety, shame or guilt, confusion, depression, and being triggered by a trauma.

Example Of How Crying During Sex May Occur

• A person feels a slight interest in having a sexual experience and feels a sexual arousal phase.
  
  
• They may become aroused and feel an actual desire for sexual expression.
  
  
• They will experience excitement, during which many physiological changes occur, followed by heightened arousal at the plateau phase.
  
  
• Then an orgasm may occur, at which point they release all the pent-up energy and blood engorgement accumulated.
  
  
• They find a resolution and sense of fulfillment.
  
  
• All these phases are indicators, such as a change in color, increased breathing, swelling of genital tissue, and hardness and wetness of the male and female sex organs. The sexual energy is amassing throughout this arousal process and awaits discharge. That energy may take the form of whatever the body can release, so it may show up as crying.

What To Do If You Cry After Sex

• Make sure to check in with yourself to explore if they are tears of sadness or from a past emotional wound so that you may address it.
  
  
• Give yourself time to process your emotions and reflect upon them once you have had time to yourself to fully be with what you felt.
  
  
• Talk to your partner about your experience, and if there are things that you need to resolve, let them know.
  
  
• Talk about sex with your partner openly to improve your intimacy and sexual experiences. For help with this, please see our helpful guide: Sex & Communication For Partners.

What To Do If Your Partner Cries During Sex

• When you experience your partner crying during sex, you may wonder what emotions they are experiencing.
  
  
• Ask them how they are feeling and if there is something that you can do for them.
  
  
• Offer loving comfort and nurturing physically and emotionally. If they indicate they need space, let them know that you will honor that request for them while letting them know that you are there for them whenever they want to talk about it, if at all.
  
  
• If they want to talk about it, listen openly and with respect. Do not pass judgment on their experience and simply allow them to express it.
  
  
• Don't pressure them with any sexual expectations.

Helpful Educational Resources

• How To Ask For Better Sex
  
  
• Improving Relationships
  
  
• Sex Therapy & Counseling
  
  
• Sexual Repression
  
  
• 10 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner 
  
  
• Types of Therapy

In Closing

Crying can be a perfectly wonderful means of letting out feelings and energy. When it is your body's way of experiencing happiness by releasing tears of joy, it can be a truly wonderful experience. Allowing emotion like this to come forward is a powerful way to feel alive.