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What You Wished Your Ex-Lover Had Known

Many people wish they could convey to exes and even future lovers the things they desired and even disliked when it comes to sex. That is why we asked some of our customers some of the things they wished former lovers had known about pleasing them sexually as we hope it will share some insights into aspects of what people wish for in and out of the bedroom. Here is what they said-

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

Copyright: Holistic Wisdom- Do NOT Copy Warning

Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.

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My old girlfriend used to act like sex was all about me and focused on what she could do to please me. I know, great right? Nope, because she would never show or share with me what she liked or enjoyed. I would ask her and she would just say everything was fine and I did not need to change a thing. Then a year after we had been dating during an argument she confessed that she had never had an orgasm and had been faking it the whole time. What a blow! I was really upset that she had not told me and let me help her. She kept her guard up in our relationship and then later blamed me for not figuring it out on my own without any regard for her own personal responsibility to communicate in our relationship. She is off tormenting some other guy now and I have a girl that loves to tell me just how she likes it. The sex is hot and our relationship just keep getting hotter.

- Mike

My ex-husband acted like sex with me was supposed to be pure and innocent and then would run off to look at wild porn on the Internet. It made me feel like he could not live out some of his more wild sexual fantasies with me. It was like he bought into the whole Madonna / Whore complex and I was the Madonna... except, I too had a wild side and instead of us sharing that we ended up living separate lives.

- Rhonda

This guy I dated was so consumed with getting me to orgasm that I felt that it was an obsession. It made me feel alone and without an emotional connection with him. He treated sex as if it were the goal, whereas, it was the intimacy I craved. I really do not need a man for great orgasm with all the great sex toys these days. What I do need is to feel connected during sex to make it great and if a guy focuses all on technique, it gets to be old very fast.

- Linda

Fear of Sex Toys

My ex-boyfriend was so threatened by my vibrator that it ruined our relationship. My little, innocent vibrator was something that I wanted to use on occasion during lovemaking so that I could have the best of both worlds. His insecurities overtook being a giving lover and instead of celebrating with me something that made me feel good, he would say derogatory things about my desire to use it. Of course he was caught up in a lot of other insecurities too and we ended up breaking up. I have a lover that actually buys cool sex toys for me now and for himself and we have so much fun together!

- Janine


Most of my ex-lovers were pretty good. However, there were a few that really could have used some help in the kissing department. At least at first. It seemed like if I spent enough time with them they would eventually start kissing me back the way I was kissing them and I would not have to say anything. However, there were some dates remained 1st dates because the kiss goodnight was just awkward and weird. The main thing I would stress, is to be slow, soft and sensual. Leave the forceful tongue jerking, crazy lip biting and seeing how far you can get your tongue down their throat for much later in a relationship when you want to try new things and when your lover can say comfortably to you whether they like it or not.

- Kelli

I had a date with a guy that when he kissed me would engulf my whole mouth and chin and slobber all over me. Gross!

- Liza

There was this girl that I dated that would think it fun to kiss while eating or chewing gum. It just grossed me out man.

- Justin

My ex used to think that it was sexy to rotate her tongue in a circle to French kiss. Um, no thanks!

- Kevin


I had this one girl who thought she would show off her oral sex skills by using her teeth! OWWWWW! Talk about a boner killer. She acted surprised when I told her to stop. What was she thinking that sharp teeth on tender penis skin was going to be super awesome?

- Jake

I hate it when a girl acts like semen is the most disgusting thing in the world and refuses to swallow. Nothing like a girl running into the bathroom to spit it out. Not hot. It is so much better when she allows you to fully climax while still in her mouth and finds it sexual that you are.

- Brian

Clitoral Stimulation

I had a lover who thought that he would be able to get me off with just sexual intercourse. While gspot stimulation feels good, I just do not have orgasms without clitoral stimulation. It is so hard to bring this up without feeling like you are insulting your lover or him thinking there is something wrong with you. I have news for men out there, many women have to fake orgasms because there is just not as much pleasure without clitoral stimulation. I introduced this sex toy that provides clitoral stimulation while my boyfriend wears it now and we do not have those problems any more.

- Candice

Anal Sex

Believe it or not, I actually like anal sex, but my boyfriend just could not get it through his head that he had to be careful not to rub against my VA-jay-jay after, because I kept getting UTI's (Urinary Tract Infections) that hurt really bad and made me have to see my doctor for antibiotics a lot.

- Carla

I hate it when guys keep pressuring for anal sex if you do not want to. Tried it and did not enjoy it and I feel like that should be the end of the discussion if it is something that I do not want to do. I do Kegel exercises, keep fit, and I do oral and see no reason why that should be insufficient.

- Rachel

Prostate Massage

My ex-husband refused to try prostate massage... I mean would not even consider it. My current husband was open, tried it and loves it. We have the best sex life because we are open and creative. A word to men... loosen up, literally.

- Sara

Porn Is Not Sex Education

I had an ex-boyfriend who seemed like he had watched porn to learn how to have sex. First of all, lightly lapping at the clitoris is not a great technique. One of the best articles on oral sex on women is clear on this point. Also, give us a kiss afterward, and let us know it was about us and not getting laid.

- Hailey

What About You?

Do you have any thoughts on what you wished an Ex-lover had when you were together. Let us know and we can publish them. Simply send us an email entitled 'Ex Sex Article" and send it to us.


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